Hat Trick!

Yesterday was a great day! We started the morning out by making love. I was late to work, and got crapped on for it, but I didn't care at all. The work day was the work day, but when you start the day off with that kind of breakfast, you are armorclad and protected from all levels of bullshit, so the day went quickly.

When I got home, I knocked out some dishes that were in the sink, and then I got ready for the gym. Elysia arrived shortly thereafter, and realized that she didn't have her favorite workout clothes; they were in the laundry. So, I suggested we swank on over to the laundromat and get the laundry, so that she could have her stuff. Then we could both go to the gym happy! So, we piled into the vehicle, and off we went! When I was picking up the laundry, the place was filled with smoke.. apparently, one of the dryers was in the process of catching fire, so I got our stuff, paid the bill, and was outta there like a fat kid playing dodgeball!

Since we were in the vicinity of the grocery store, we decided to pop in and pick up a few things that we needed. While there, we decided on a dinner of chicken enchiladas, refried beans, and yellow rice. I can hear some of you thinking to yourselves, "but... I thought you were on a diet..??". Pfftsht!! I laugh in the face of this!! CHICKEN ENCHILADAS people!! OKAY??! We shopped for out stuff, and during this, we were picking out some yogurts for the coming week (they cancel out the chicken enchiladas, so it all works out. Psychopathic Diet Math 101; easy stuff!). As we were perusing the various flavor choices for yogurt, I saw one that was 'apple cinammon' flavored. I immediately, and most subtlely expressed my opinion of this flavor by blurting out in a loud and thunderous voice, "Apple and cinammon yogurt?!! That sounds fucking disgusting!!" To my left, and about 12 feet away, I heard a snort, and turned my head to discover, much to my shock and dismay (and acute and intense embarassment), a mother, replete with stroller loaded to the gills with:
1. One (each) baby. Human.
2. Groceries. Assorted.
3. Pocketbook. (female).
4. Crumbs and food effluvia - unspecified.
5. Toys. (ages 2 to 4).

I just about shit. It all worked out, though, because mom laughed, agreed that apple cinammon yogurt sounded 'fucking disgusting', and just to show that she was a good sport, and that she was, furthermore, down with my nasty-fucking-longshore-infantryman filthy ass vocabulary, let go with a blue streak, just to let me know that we were on the same footing. Then she gave me a companionable punch in the arm, and went off in search of bargains or something.

As for us, we headed home, whereupon Elysia headed up to change into gym gear, and I commenced stowing the newly purchased groceries.

I headed upstairs to do something useless, and the phone rang. Elysia got involved in a phone conversation of indeterminable length, and I plopped down on the love seat in NASA (the computer room), and promptly dropped off into a deep sleep. When she gave me a poke to wake me, I felt like spilt fuck, but didn't want to let on. Being pretty quick on the uptake, Elysia spotted this at once, though I can't quite be sure whether it was the two-pissholes-in-the-snow-for-eyes, or the asshole-sucking-buttermilk-joe-shit-the-ragman-hangdog demeanor that gave me away. In any case, she suggested that we blow off the gym and go tommorrow (Saturday) afternoon, after I get home from my half-day of work. I fully endorsed this idea, and suggested that we try it at once, whereupon I felt much better, and we both headed in to the bedroom where I climbed up one side of that woman and down the other for 30 minutes or so. We jumped into the shower together, and still glowing from our recent yummies, headed back into NASA where I perused my favorite Blogs. Kathy had me cracking up, (as usual), as did the comments left on her blog by 'The Relentless Gibberish Bastard', who almost made me puke with laughter... (that is one funny motherfucker!).

Elysia then suggested that we head down and make dinner, and we all four (the cats velcro themselves to our ass whenever we are home) headed down and sprung into cooking mode - me chopping up onions, garlic, chicken, and what-have-you, and Elysia doing her bit, mixing, and stirring, and measuring, and sauteeing, and everything else that had to be done.

She had put some Big Band music on, and had that playing as we worked, and while she fixed up a cosmo for herself, I made myself a melon ball, and halfway into the second drink, I decided to start up a game of 'Which One Would You Boink?'

The rules are simple. You pick two persons, objects, things - anything that makes your partners socks roll up and down (sexually) ((or not!)), and you ask them, "If you HAD to have sex with either [CHOICE #1] or [CHOICE #2], which one would you boink?". There are a couple of things of which we take judicial notice; The individuals named are at the very best according to the opinion of the person being asked (i.e., if Sean Connery were chosen, it could be Sean Connery young, middle aged, older, or currently - you can, however specify, if you wish, a particular version of the choice - i.e., Sean Connery during the "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" timeframe, or, say... Anthony Hopkins in "The Edge". The rules are pretty fluid. It wouldn't make much sense to pick one obvious choice, and one vile choice, though.. you have to make it hard for the person to pick. You can include cartoon characters, if you like. Characters from commercials (Pillsbury Doughboy or the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man ((or, for that matter, the Michelin Man)) ). You can pick characters from books, Historical Characters, or Archetypical characters... i.e., "Would you have sex with a zombie, or an orc??"

Well, we slowly got shitfaced playing this game, and were in hysterics. In some cases, the choices were... (growl) difficult for one reason, and in others (blech!) difficult for others. In many cases, I knew precisely which choice she would make, and in others, I was completely taken by surprise.

I would advise leaving actual individuals that are known to you both out of this game... in some cases, I would imagine that this could get dicey. You want to have fun, not incur domestic violence and mindless cannibalism!

Sometime in the middle of all of this insanity, the phone rang, and it was Elysia's sister. Her sister, who I will call 'Drizzle' is just about one of the funniest people on earth when she gets in the right mood, and she was already full speed ahead when she called. She was out in her vehicle, driving home from somewhere when she called. Her husband was out of state on a business trip, and at the beginning of the call Elysia tentatively asked her if she was 'with anybody' (it was a meant as a joke), and Drizzle replied, "Only with my Imagination" in a cackling, evil voice. She then launched in to a story about how she ended up locked out of her house earlier in the day clad only in a bra and a thong! There was supposed to be a spare key hidden in the garage, but when she went to get it, it was gone! Her husband had given it to Drizzle's Mom so that they could care for the cats while Drizzle and her husband were on thier last vacation, and it had never been returned or replaced. She ended up having to wrap herself in a towel that the cats sleep on (gag!), and run across the cul-de-sac where they live and knock on a neighbor's door. She was terrified that the husband would answer, and praying that the wife would answer (she did), and after briefly explaining her plight, and securing a bathrobe, she placed a call to her husband to find out where the "fucking key" was... and, he, in a supreme act of incredibly bad judgement, laughed at her plight. (Folks, this was a dreadful error on his part.... Drizzle told us, in great detail, what her plans were to exact revenge upon him for his momentary loss of sanity and tact. I am SOoooo very glad that I am not a). him, b). married to her, and c). getting what he will be getting either today or tommorrow. Yikes. A second call got her in touch with mom, who arrived shortly thereafter with the key to save the day. Oh, man... that is the stuff of nightmares!

I started the "Which One Would You Boink?" game with Drizzle, and we were howling and snorting with laughter until none of us could talk.

We then chowed down on the best spanish food I have ever eaten (ever!) in my life!! We watched an episode of '24', interspersed with pauses for "Which one..?" questions, and then we headed up for bed where we mauled one another once again. Curiously, Elysia didn't remember this upon my mentioning it this morning... which attests to either; 1. Elysia's state of enebriation at the time (I hope), or, 2. My sexual prowess (or lack thereof) (which I dread).

(God I hope it was #1!)(Well.. judging by the growls, grunts, moans, and enthusiasm... I am fairly confident that I held up my end fairly well. As for me, I have no complaints at all!!)

In any case, since she apparently missed the festivities, the only possible course of action is an immediate reenactment of all the fun that was had!!

First, though... we have to get our asses to the gym! We had an accord, after all...