Sunday, April 20, 2008

The Jury is Still Out... but...

Upon completing the first full week of work at my new job, I must admit that the jury is still out insofar as my overall pronouncement of judgment is concerned. There are things I like, and things that I am not quite so keen on... All in all I like the job, and, truth be told I am happy to have a job (the bills don't pay themselves!). As far as this job being THE Job?? -- I'm not really sure yet.. I do have a list of pros and cons;

  • PRO: The people are calm, proficient, and kind - no need to unravel the intricate knots of office politics here... particularly since, due to the sound of machinery running the entire day, one cannot hear what anyone else is saying unless they are literally closer than arm's length!
  • CON: The pay is not really very good as it stands right now.
  • PRO: They pay should increase as I learn the skills that will make me a more valuable member of the crew.
  • CON: I have no idea how long this timetable of learning and earning will take - and I can ill afford to remain at this pay level for very long...
  • PRO: The 'supposed' upward end of the pay scale for this job is pretty decent.
  • CON: There is no guarantee that I will ever see this upward end of the pay scale. I can only try.
  • PRO: I am more or less left alone to do my work.
  • CON: I am required to engage in a constant and intense level of physical activity that I have, apparently, become quite unaccustomed to.. every cell of my body is shrieking in pain.
  • PRO: I am on the long upward climb back to a semblance of fitness... I find that I probably don't really need to be sitting on my ass getting fat and out of shape all day... so that I can come home feeling sluggish and sit on the couch where I can get even more fat and more out of shape!
  • CON: I am on my feet the entire day.
  • PRO: I am burning calories the entire day. (It occurs to me that if I am actually burning calories and expending enough energy to lose a little weight ((which, honestly, I could well afford to lose..)) standing on my feet all day won't be so bad - since I won't be carrying so much weight on them!)
  • CON: I am no longer able to attend the early morning sittings at the Zen Center. I quite enjoy starting the work week with meditation practice, and find that the lack of practice leaves a void that I find disturbing.
  • PRO: I am busting my ass and hopefully will be in a good position to request permission to come in a wee bit late on practice days at the Zendo.. perhaps I can make up the time or they will simply write it off.
  • CON: I feel like a bit of a loser, starting from scratch at this stage of the game. Every job I have taken has seemed like a fantastic opportunity at first... and as time wore on, I came to realize that I had swallowed some line and that there was really no opportunity at all; unless you call a dead-end, go nowhere, be verbally abused and exploited type of position a golden opportunity! Somewhere in the dark, dank, sub-sub-basement of my mind I harbor a suspicion that I have been scammed again, and that I will one day wake up to discover that I am a fool who has dove in hook, line & sinker for another bullshit story... and it doesn't do a great deal for my self-respect, truth be known....
  • PRO: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. All I can do is use my best judgment, put forth my best effort, and trust in my boss to reward it. I can always leave and do something else. Maybe trusting in others... even if that trust turns out to be ill-placed, isn't exactly a portrait of my character; after all, I can only know what my senses offer as clues for me to process... and as more and more comes to light, perceptions are adjusted to reflect a more and more accurate picture of the situation. In this case, my best course of action is to do a good job and hope that the needs of the company will match with my needs in a timely fashion. At least for now, I have a place to get up and go to each day... and a paycheck at the end of the week. Hopefully, my body will quickly strengthen and I my energy levels will begin to increase... that's a benefit all by itself!!
So... that is my current assessment of the new job. I realized as I was working in the garden yesterday, under the sunshine, that there was a noticeable lack of dread concerning the Monday morning return to work. In my last position, although I enjoyed the work, and even my stupid cubicle, I had to put up with a great deal of verbal and mental abuse... and it wasn't really all that pleasant.... that is, thankfully (at least for now!), missing at this job; the people are surprisingly congenial and friendly... so I am happy for that. It nearly makes the pay-cut worth it!! (I probably would have paid the money to make the nonsense go away at the last job had I been offered the chance!).

Tomorrow starts a new work week. I am somewhat more comfortable now, I know (more or less) what I am doing and what is expected of me in my little piece of the process, and I don't really mind the prospect of getting up and going to work. This is much better than fighting my sub-conscious inclination to find some excuse to stay home in order to avoid the nastiness and unpleasant dispositions that I knew I was going to be confronted with!

Not too shabby, now that I think about it! HA!


Marcheline said...

Bear -

One of the many things I love about you is your willingness to hope, to start fresh, no matter what the circumstances. You have the spirit of a child, in that your joy and your search for laughter and love never ceases. I am blessed to have you for a husband, and would marry you again today as long as that wouldn't mean I had to wear pink and blue prairie dresses and a bouffant updo.


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