Tuesday, June 27, 2006

It Isn't Polite to Point!

This morning, Elysia asked me if I would like to go outside and enjoy a cup of coffee in the garden with her. I readily agreed, this being one of my most favorite activities, so cups of fresh coffee in hand, out we went.

As we sat at the table looking out over our garden and discussing this plant, that plant, and what we would like to do with this or with that, Elysia suddenly pointed out a small spider that was scuttling along the edge of the table.

"Look at this little fucker!... It's looking at me! It has little eyeballs!!

"Yup! Five of 'em!" I added, helpfully...

As she was talking, Elysia was making small circles with her index finger, which was pointed at the spider, and moving her hand back and forth from left to right... and, sure enough, the litte bugger was running back and forth, staying with her finger, and periodically... well, 'baring its teeth' at her... (not exactly.. but, it was doing something with its fangs that was suspiciously akin to baring... and, in any case, which conveyed (to me, at least..) exactly the same message; namely "BACK OFF!! YOU'RE BEGINNING TO PISS ME OFF, AND I'M FIXIN' TO KICK A MUD PUDDLE STRAIGHT UP YOUR SORRY ASS AND STOMP IT DRY!!!")

Elysia continued.. still moving the finger... "Will you look at him!? He's following my finger and acting all tough..!"

"It's a she.. actually"

"He..she.. whatever... doesn't he know I could smoosh him if I wanted to?"

Just then, the little varmint jumped - leaped actually - from the table right on to Elysia's finger!! (This was a jump that was approximately 20 body-lengths for the little fucker! Pretty damned impressive! Imagine if these things were the size of tigers??!!)

Well... Poor Elysia just about shit! She literally tried to get away from her own finger! (I swear that if she had any lizard in her, she would have detached the finger on the spot and left it twitching on the ground while she high-tailed it!!)

I got the hell out of dodge, because I just knew that that spider was getting flung somewhere, and I was just as happy to not have a pissed of spider landing on my face, or going down the neck of my shirt, or god knows where else!!

The spider dropped on a web, and Elysia sort of let it get back on the edge of the table where it ran around posturing and acting very tough!

Once she got her shit back together, she was slightly annoyed at the wee critter for scaring the crap out of her, and blew a blast of air that knocked it off the table to the ground!

"There! That'll teach ya! Ya little bastard!"

Not two minutes later, the spider was back up to the table edge, and going after her again! All 1/4 of an inch and half a gram of it!!

I laughed until I thought I had torn something!

Later, when I looked the thing up on Google images, I learned what it is called...

"What're YOU lookin' at?!"

This, my friends, is a "Bold Jumping Spider" -- also known in some circles as a "Daring Jumping Spider"... HA!!

Say hello to the nice people, li'l spider!!

(Hee-hee! -- I'm SO glad that for once it wasn't me who had to learn the embarassing and difficult lesson! Poor Elysia... )

"Wanna fight me?! Huh?! I'll KICK YOUR ASS!!"

1 comment:

NewYorkMoments said...

Meh. I would have squooshed it.