On the Threshold...

I received news today... my mom is in the hospital (she lives in a different state than I do..), and is in the intensive care unit. Apparently, she isn't doing all that well... My brother told me that she has a 25% chance of never leaving the hospital, according to the doctor.

Both of my brothers were having cows about this... When I spoke with them, they were both extremely upset. One lives in the same location as my mom, and the other lives on the other side of the country.. I called each of them, and said basically the same thing (I tend to take charge in these situations... people need someone to follow when they are frightened).

"Mom isn't doing so well, but I'm not ready to put her in the grave just yet. We will make preliminary arrangements to get there if the news goes south, but until we have more information, there isn't much that we can do. (No phone calls to the ICU). Obviously, the doc doesn't know her.. it takes a lot to kill that woman (she's been told that she would die more than once, and she's still around...) Running around freaking out doesn't help anybody. Start quietly making whatever arrangements that have to be made, in the event we have to move quickly, and we will all keep a line of communication open to one another so that we can be reached at any time. Don't give up on her so quickly..."

They both seemed to take heart at this...

What they don't know is what I know... and that is that a 70 year old woman, who just had a lung collapse within the past week, and who has chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, emphysema, and a lung infection all concurrently isn't really doing all that well... and while I'm not ready to put her in the ground at this moment, I am fairly certain, barring a miracle, that she isn't going to shake this off... although to be honest, she has pulled through things that nobody thought she would be able to survive...

... what I also know is that I can't do much of anything for mom, other than to hope and pray that she either gets well, or dies well.. either of which she would want, depending upon how it goes...

... and all I can do is to lead this family, and keep everybody together and moving in the same direction during a time of crisis. This is also what she would want, I think...

... I hope I'm doing the right thing.

You got to love these things that come out of left field at you, huh?

Once, when I was going through one of the most horrible and difficult situations in my entire life, I was talking on the phone with my mom, and I started to cry... she said "NO! Don't you cry! You reach down, way inside... you have a good deal of iron and grit in you.. find it, and use it. Be strong, and fight... and don't you dare start crying!"

I did what she said, and I managed to get through the rough spots, and move on...

That's the kind of woman my mom is.

I'll do what she told me to do... after all, she is my mom....