Fuck!!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!

I am so screwed....

Last night at the gym, my left knee was feeling very slightly wonky... It didn't hurt, exactly, it just felt... well, bollicky and weird.

The only thing I can connect it to was leg presses last week... after the last set, my knee hurt a little... but, honestly, after most sets of just about anything, everything fucking hurts... so I blew it off.

When I got to work, I went about my business, and at about 8:30 or 9:00AM, my knee started to let its presence be known... it felt off somehow... the joint felt tight, and strange...

By about 10, it was bothering me. I limped into the men's room and dropped my drawers to take a look at my knee, and it was all swollen and sort of tender to the touch here and there...

I thought about it for a little while, and told my boss that I had to take off and head home. I need to get off the knee and put some ice on it. By boss, I am talking about The Nose. He started getting panicky, and trying to find other solutions in order to keep me there... "Can we put a chair up there for you to sit on?" (This by the same guy who generally has a cow if he sees me sit down to eat my fucking lunch...). Thankfully, the owner, who is The Nose's boss, was there, and he quietly instructed The Nose to send me home. "Go Home, Bear, and put some ice on it. See if that helps. Let us know if there's any problem." Thanks Boss. (He's a great guy... the others are somewhat questionable about certain things...). The offer of a chair was nice, and I'm sure that The Nose was trying to be helpful, but, the thing is, I don't give a mosquito's fart about my comfort, I'm worried about the knee thing getting out of hand....Again!!

You see, I tore this knee up in January of 1983 by executing a bad PLF (parachute landing fall). My body was upright, and my left leg was horizontal on the ground from the knee down. It was great fun, and I completely fucked my knee up. It was operated on in October of 1983, but I was pulled out of the hospital, against medical advice, to go to Grenada, though I didn't know at the time why I was being taken out of the hospital in such a rush, or where I was going. I had had a spinal block, and was basically dead and numb from the waist down. By the time we jumped into Grenada, I could move my legs and stand and all, but the knee was swollen and sore, and I was very wobbly... I felt like a new-born fawn or colt or something... Needless to say, I fucked the knee up over the next few days, and had to have it re-operated on the following April. I walked with a very pronounced limp for the next year and a half, and wasn't able to go to Ranger school during the time that I was actually IN the Ranger battalion because of it. (I subsequently attended years later, and graduated.. I also attended the Special Forces Qualification Course ((SFQC)) and passed that, too, knee not withstanding!!). It took a good while and a great deal of pain to get the knee right again....

So, I am looking at it now with a great deal of trepidation. I don't want to go through that again. It sucked then. It is sucking now. I hope it won't suck next week....

If it just hurt, I would chalk it up to overtraining, or something, and suck it up... but it doesn't feel right, and dammit, I know this feeling...Gutting it out if it happens to be a bonafide injury will only make matters worse, and prove that I'm a complete fucking asshole.

Fuck.

I am sitting here icing the shit out of it right now, and hoping against hope that it will just be a blip on the screen, and begging the Gods that I didn't fuck my knee up again...

Man I hope this isn't anything to worry about...


Wish me luck, folks...