The Difference

Yesterday at work, one of my co-workers called me a 'Fag'. This was simply good-natured needling, and wasn't meant to be taken personally, or to be insulting... it was just the status quo here... breaking balls.

It just so happened that there were a number of people in the shop, mostly contractors and sales reps from some of the distributors that we do business with. One of these lads quipped that we all (employees of my shop) looked a bit gay since we were all wearing identical shirts (we recently received new uniform work shirts - polo shirts with the company logo embroidered on them).

The Female remarked that if a gay man worked here, that he wouldn't be able to last more than an hour, inferring that he would be reduced to tears by the incessant insults and verbal abuse that are the status quo around here for most of the employees and bosses.

I thought about that for a few seconds, and being me, gave in to the compulsion to make a social statement on the situation. I gathered my thoughts, planned my strategy, and then, satisfied that my plan was feasible, I started in...

"How can you be so sure that a gay man doesn't work here, I wonder?"

Every head turned to look at me. Some faces were quizzical, others confused, at least one or two looked partially disgusted at the suggestion. Of course, this only fueled me to go on....

Female: "Who?! There's nobody here who's gay!"

Bear: "How can you be so sure??"

Female: "Cause I would know!"

A bunch of the guys looked very relieved and comforted at this, of course, this couldn't be allowed to continue...

Bear: "Do you think so? How would you possibly know, unless you were able to observe that person in private and see what their sexual proclivities happened to be? In any case, I have personally known many gay men and women who nobody would ever suspect of being gay by judging their appearance, any more than you can judge what type of food a person happens to prefer. You just can't tell by looking at somebody what their sexual preference happens to be. As a matter of fact, I would wager that this is the rule, and not the exception."

Female: "Pra-cliv-what?!?!"

Bear: "Pro-cliv-i-ties. It means 'preferences'."

Female: "So who's gay here then?"

Bear: "Could be anyone... could be that its me!"

Every eyeball turned towards me at this, and I could feel everyone in the room take a mental step backwards.. everyone was really looking at me now, very closely, to see if they could detect even a mere hint of my homosexuality... they were shitting, and this, my friends, is hilarious!

Female dropped the big logic-bomb; "But... You're MARRIED!!"

In riposte, Bear dropped one of his own into the mix; "So what? All that proves is one of three things: One: I am hiding my homosexuality, and married for appearances, or, Two: I am Bisexual, so you all have to watch out for yourselves and your partners!, or, lastly, Three: I am completely gay, so is my wife, and we both live our seperate lives while enjoying the benefits of marriage. How does being married prevent me from being gay, I wonder?"

This had an immediate and devastating effect on everyone's preconceived notions, which is fine with me because preconceived notions are generally shit, anyway....

I decided to take this one step further...

"In any case, anybody here could be gay... , if they decided to keep it hidden, and acted like everyone else how would anybody really know? Think about it!"

They were! And how were they thinking about it. Desperately trying to appear as though they weren't doing it, everyone began casting jaundiced eyes at everyone else.. it was pretty funny!

I thought it might be time to make my point... now that I had everybody's attention.

"What difference would it make, really? Unless you were having sex with that person, I mean...?? Think about it. Do we ever really see who is having sex with whom, and when, and how? Its nobody's business but the two folks having the relationship, so why worry about it or attach any importance to it at all??"

Contractor #1: "What the fuck is wrong wit' you??! Why're you sayin' all a dis shit!?!?"

Bear: "Hey! Is it my business who you fuck, how much money you make, what you think, or what you do, so long as it isn't harming me in any way?"

Contractor #1: "Nah... it ain't!"

Bear: "Exactly. Who am I, or you, or anyone to tell anyone who they should love, or when, or how much? Especially when it isn't a choice to begin with?? If someone told you that it was wrong for you to love anyone who didn't have the same eye and hair color as you, and your wife happened to have different color hair or eyes, would you leave her, just like that?"

Contractor#1: "Fuck no... nobody has the right to tell me who I can be with!!"

Bear: "So why tell anyone else that its wrong to love who they love? Why judge somebody when it sucks to be judged?"

Contractor#2: "That's a completely different fuckin' story... we're talkin' about fuckin' homos here!"

Bear: "Have you ever stopped to think that somebody that you love, or like, or care about in the slightest might just be, as you so eloquently put it, a 'fuckin' homo', and that you drive a knife into their guts every time you make a comment like that? You would never know.. because they would hide it from you... "

Contractor#2: "Nah... I don't know no fuckin' homos...."

Bear: "Well, I'm glad you're so sure of yourself. Because if you happen to be wrong, you are probably destroying somebody that you know every time you run your mouth.. but, it isn't any of my business.. they're your friends. I guess you've never been wrong. I sure have. Usually when I'm the most sure that I'm right."

Contractor#2: "Well.. I....uh.... .... .... Yeah...."

Salesman#1: "What're you, the 'Gay Crusader' or something? You think they should be allowed to marry and shit like that?"

Bear: "I'm not sure what you mean by the 'Gay Crusader', and it isn't my place to decide whether the laws should be changed to allow same-sex couples to marry... I'll leave that up to the courts and the voting public, and when it comes time for me to make that choice, I'll do it in the voting booth, with the curtain closed behind me. But if you mean by Gay Crusader that I am an advocate for gay rights, then no... I'm not. But I am an advocate for human rights, and I don't particularly like having my feelings hurt, so I assume other folks don't much like it either... and, I'll be damned if anyone will ever tell me who I can love, so I find it offensive that anyone else should have to feel that they should have to hide or justify their feelings or the way they are, or that others hold disdain or animosity towards them over something that simply shouldn't make a difference. Period."

Salesman#2: "Weren't you in the military? I thought they didn't allow gays in the service."

Bear: "I was in the military. What's that got to do with anything? As far as I'm concerned, the military's policies concerning gays is nothing more than institutionalized discrimination. Just because they do this doesn't make it right. In any case, as a soldier, my feelings or beliefs had nothing whatsoever to do with it. If I had ever been required to bring somebody up on charges because they were gay in the military, I would have. As it turns out, it never came up, but, if it had, I would have done what I was required to do. That doesn't mean I would have had to like it. I was called upon to carry out a great many orders that I personally despised. But I did what I had to do, regardless of my personal feelings. In any case, if you are interested in my feelings and beliefs, I will tell them to you now; As it turns out, I'm not gay. I can't say honestly that I even particularly understand the lifestyle completely, because I don't live it, and I've never experienced it. I don't particularly get the attraction, because I don't happen to fly that way. So I don't really have a great understanding for what it is to be a gay man. I am however, human. I understand what it is to love, and I understand what it is to be judged by others. I think that people should be allowed to choose for themselves how they live their lives, and who they love, and what form happiness takes for them. I also think that anyone who presumes to tell anyone else that they are wrong when what they are doing is harmless (and, by the way, none of anyone else's fucking business) is a tyranical asshole with some major control issues that should be addressed without delay! In response to your military comment, I took an oath to protect the Constitution of the United States. That constitution guarantees each and every one of us certain inalienable rights. It may very well be that I wholeheartedly disagree with certain other people's choices, or that I don't understand them, or that I would not ever make those choices for myself. That isn't really important. What IS important, and what I would like you to consider, is that I have shed blood in order to protect the rights of those people to make their own choices, whatever they happen to be, and I still believe that the right to make choices regarding our own lives is one of the most important and valuable things that we have. If you want to stand by while folks trample other people's choices and lifestyles, go right ahead. But who will stand up for you when people begin stomping on your lifestyle, and your choices?? It is our responsibility to look out for one another when some wrong or some injustice is being done to any one of us. Does it really diminish you so much to accept that other people are different than you are, and that they may do things, think things, feel things, or express things that you would not?? In case you're wondering, it doesn't bother me at all. I am completely secure in who and what I am. I know myself, and I know what my strengths and my weaknesses are, and, most importantly, that nobody else's thoughts, feelings, or actions have any bearing on who I am, or what I am. I am me, and I love being me. I love other people, and want them to be able to find their happiness and to fulfill their dreams. I love the fact that we are all different, and that we can all do whatever the fuck it is that makes us happy, so long as ignorant assholes refrain from going out of their way to put unnecessary obstacles in our paths. And, just to be clear I will stand up to each of you alone, or all of you together, or anyone else, for that matter, in any way that I am able if you or anyone else should ever try to crap on somebody else's way of life in my presence. You asked, I told... any questions??"

Two full minutes of abject silence... then;

Salesman#2: "No, man.. you're right. I got no beef with you."

Contractor#1: "I never thought about it like that... I guess you're right..."

Salesman#1: "That's pretty cool, man..."

Female: "So... who's gay?"

There was a general nodding of heads, and murmers of grudging agreement, with the occasional "He's full of shit!" thrown in for good measure.

I don't care. I wasn't really trying to change anybody. I just wanted to make them think about how it would feel to be on the receiving end of that whole deal. It would suck, and everybody knows it.

I suppose it must be very exhilirating to some people to ruthlessly cut somebody down without ever giving it a second thought over some difference that they happen to exhibit.

I think that acting in that fashion is a sign of cowardice, fear, and ignorance. And I think it sucks.

People are people. Live and let live. I know that if it were me getting crapped on, I would hate it.

I only have one voice. But its my voice, and if I see or sense shit like that, somebody is going to hear it. Whether it does any good is anybody's guess. Maybe just once, it will make a difference.

The Difference He Made By Randy Poole

Amidst the morning mist of the swift returning tide
I set out on my daily run, my walkman on my side.
Lost within my private world apart from cares and woes
I ran along the moistened shore, the sand between my toes.

In the distance, I saw a boy, as busy as can be.
He was running, stooping, picking up, and tossing in the sea.
Just what he threw, I couldn't tell, I looked as I drew near.
It seemed to be a rock or shell - as I approached him I could hear:

"Back you go, where you belong. Your safe now hurry home.
Your family's waiting for you little starfish, hurry on!"
It seemed the evening tide had washed the starfish on the shore,
And the swift receding water left a thousand there or more.

And this self-appointed savior, was trying one-by-one
To toss them back into the sea, against the racing sun.
I saw his plight was hopeless, that most of them would die.
I called out from my private world, "Hey Kid, why even try?"

"Must be at least a thousand here, strewn along the beach,
And even if you had the time, most you'll never reach.
You really think it makes a difference, to waste your time this way?"
And then I paused and waited, just to hear what he would say.

He stooped and took another, and looked me in the eye.
"It makes a difference to this one sir, this starfish will not die!"
With that, he tossed the little life, back where there was hope.
He stooped to take another. I could tell this was no joke.

The words that he spoke to me cut like a surgeon's knife.
Where I saw only numbers, he saw only life.
He didn't see the multitude of starfish on the sand.
He only saw the little life he held there in his hand.

He didn't stop to argue, to prove that he was right.
He just kept tossing starfish in the sea with all his might.
So I too stooped, and I picked up, and I tossed into the sea,
And I thought, just what a difference, that this boy has made in me.