Thursday, April 12, 2007

Marcheline Plays 'Marlin Perkins'



The camera pans across the landscape... Wyoming? Montana? Patchogue, perhaps?? A large grizzly lumbers along the stream bank, slapping salmon around like handballs... an idiot wearing a multi-pocketed vest circles around a rock as he sneaks up on the bear (... jackass). The voiceover goes like this; "I will hide back here in relative safety downstream while Stupid Stan moves in a little closer in order to get a good shot at the bear with the tranquilizer dart gun. He will only get one clean shot at the bear before it will be able to reach him, so he has to make sure it's a good shot! These brutes can weigh up to 2,000 pounds of bone, gristle, and muscle... with their huge fangs, powerful jaw muscles and dagger sharp claws, they can easily eviscerate a grown man.... Animals in the wild have their own protection... Do YOU have protection?? Mutual of Omaha provides quality term life insurance.... etc., etc.

Well... actually, Bear was choking and coughing, and hacking, and spluttering... and basically creating a huge ruckus until around 3:00AM, when Marcheline, apparently at wit's end, got up out of bed and convinced me to try some of the prescription cough medicine that she had left over from her bout with the 'Creeping-Crud'.

I was more or less willing to try just about anything at that point.. including Drano... so with a glance at the label "Hydrocodone - Warning: May cause drowsiness.." (... Hmmm, Hydra-what?!).. I took a swig.. and trundled off to bed..




I continued to cough, for about 15 minutes... thinking.."This shit ain't gonna do squat... but at least she will know I'm willing to try..."




The next thing I knew, it was noon!!

I had conked out like I'd been poleaxed and didn't move a muscle the entire night... so, consequently, I am feeling somewhat more human today, having gotten the first decent night's sleep in about five days....



Thanx, girl!!

2 comments:

Marcheline said...

And we're gonna do it all over again tonight!

Mona Buonanotte said...

Springtime colds/allergies are a bear...oops...I mean...bad news! Glad you're feeling better!