Sunday, April 01, 2007

Breathe In.... Breathe Out....

Today is April 1st... Spring is well under way here in Long Island.. and in our garden we have crocuses and daffodils blooming, tulips are poking their leaves up from the soil, the snowdrops are about at the end of their reign, and everywhere one looks there are signs of life!

In the evenings, I hear the spring peepers raising their voices to add to the chorus..

As I reflect on these visible signs of constant change in my garden, it brings the larger context of change into sharper focus in my mind.

So many changes have occurred that touch my life and the lives of those who I know that I can't even begin to list them here... but the way that change affects us; both good and bad, and the ways that we, as people, find to either accommodate them or simply endure them are as numerous and differing as the changes themselves...

As I write this, the head priest/abbot of our small monastic community is in Los Angeles to celebrate the 100th birthday of his teacher and the head of our order/lineage in the United States. The night before he left to go there, he discussed the issue of my ordination within this order (I was ordained in a different order, and have been 'carried' in this order in a sort of 'in-between' status... I have been trained, and the training is very similar, and in some cases identical... but there are some significant differences... so, he is not quite sure whether they should simply ordain me, whether they should 'start from scratch' or whether it should be somewhere in between... although the two orders share the same lineage {these sorts of things are kept track of and meticulously recorded} they happen to be headquartered in different, but neighboring countries... and there is a history there.... so..... it is somewhat awkward...) In any case, in our discussion, he mentioned that his second stated reason for this trip is to work out the knots and wrinkles and to return with a definitive answer. My thought is that it will be of the 'Start from Scratch!' variety... which is fine by me... but, we will have to wait and see...

If I have any will in this, it is that he is not getting younger by the day... and I would dearly like to be one of 'his' monks.. meaning that he would be the one who ordains me, rather than some other monk/priest who I do not personally know... and while this really has no bearing, on a personal level, if one were to enquire as to my preferences; well - this would be my preference! Also, there is a sort of a time issue involved, even though it doesn't directly concern me in any but the most ancillary fashion; Our head priest was ordained as a priest in December. Just prior to that, he and his wife of 54 years, who was one of our nuns, had traveled out to California for a month long meditation retreat, which is grueling. She was ill towards the end of the retreat, with an apparent cold or flu. He returned a few days or a week later for his ordination, and she elected to remain here, since she was too ill to travel. When he returned, her condition had worsened.

To make a long story short, her immune system had been compromised due to an abnormal growth of the thymus gland, called a thymoma, which is usually vestigial in adults, and it was decided that his had to be surgically removed. The surgery went off without a hitch, and she was recovering nicely. She was eating, talking, walking... all of her 'numbers' were looking good, and everyone was looking forward to her immanent return home. On Sunday, February 11th, after a visit by her family, she suddenly and unexpectedly passed away... to the shock and dismay of all of us.

They had been married for so long... and were so in love and so connected that this was, as one can imagine, a severe blow to her husband...

Monks and nuns traveled from all over the world to attend the memorial service that we held for her, family and friends flew in from all over as well... and then everybody went home and back to their lives leaving an old man with a terrible sadness to bear in a big empty house... all alone.

He isn't 'just an old man' however... he has been a monk for over thirty years, I am guessing... and he found a handhold in his vocation upon which to take a new lease on life; When one is ordained as a priest in our order, he or she is expected to acquire a property which is owned by the order and to found a temple in the area in which they live. This has become his focus. He has decided to spend this year traveling and studying with his teacher, who has just turned 100 years old! I imagine that this year of traveling will also serve to allow him time to come to terms with his grief, and to learn what it is to be a priest, and to deepen his knowledge and understanding in general.

He gathered his monks... and there are only a small number of us... one night, and announced his purpose to purchase and found a temple upon his return, and told us in no uncertain terms that we would be expected to do the lion's share of the work, and to shoulder the responsibilities for the smooth operation of the temple and all of the mundane details that such an enterprise requires.

This, then, is where the time issue comes in from my standpoint. It is my desire to be fully ordained, in thisorder, in time enough to be able to contribute as a fully qualified member of our new temple from the day of its inception. This may or may not come to pass... but, this is what I am hoping for. It is not the nature of these things to be rushed or hurried along... particularly not for such purposes as this... and, naturally, this is not the main reason for my desire to be ordained by him... simply the impetus for my desire to have it take place in a timely fashion...

Whatever happens will happen in its own time and for the right and proper reasons, and I will accept whatever decision they make... I just wanted to voice my hopes.. and what better venue than here??

Well... monk or no monk... I have to work in order to eat... so, off I go.....

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