Pulling in Two Directions

I have come to a realization. You cannot pull in two directions at once. If you do, you either get nowhere fast, or something has to give.

This can apply to many things, I suppose. I am speaking specifically about my fitness program.

As it turns out, I have been trying to do two mutually exclusive (sort of) activities at the same time, and getting nowhere fast. I have been trying to both build muscle, and lose fat. Here's the rub, though...

While it is possible to build muscle while losing fat, I don't think that you will either build very much muscle, or lose all that much fat. Why?? Because in order to build muscle, you have to overfeed slightly, and to lose fat you have to underfeed, create a caloric deficiency, and prompt your body to burn fat for the remainder of what it needs to function. I suppose that your body can kind of flip-flop between the two, but it makes more sense to me to pick one overriding goal, and pursue it.

I have decided that what I most need to do is to lose the fat. Six packs are not made in the gym, they are made in the kitchen (well... to all appearances, they aren't made in my kitchen... but, hopefully, this will change!). Rather than try to build muscle mass and maintain my fat level, I am going to attempt to maintain my current muscle mass while losing the fat. Once I have reached this goal, I can concentrate on building muscle mass if I feel that it is something I want to pursue at that time. What I most definitely need to do, however, is to take the fat off and keep it off!

I know that a three-pronged approach is necessary to accomplish this, the three prongs being; aerobic exercise, anaerobic exercise, and diet. Diet is where my main shortfall lies. I am doing the exercise, but I feel that I am not eating properly. Elysia says that she is seeing a difference in my body composition, and that's all well and good, but I need to make more progress. Diet is HUGE, and this is where the main difficulties lie, at least for me. Not only is portion control a problem; eating the proper ratios of proteins, carbs, and fats is important as well. I should be eating a ratio of 40%-30%-30% or better, but I think its more like 30%-40%-30% or thereabouts.

Apparently, I am suffering from some sort of vitamin deficiency or something. Twice now, I have been awakened by night cramps in the area of my medial (inner) thigh. The first time was bad, the second time was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had, and I am no stranger to pain. I have torn up my knee, my neck, my back, my shoulder, and I have been beaten, shot, and stabbed. I have fallen from fairly great distances, and I have dropped my motorcycle a couple of times. I've been bitten, stung, burned, punched, kicked, and cut. One of the more painful episodes was when I tore my calf muscle. That was a lot of fun, but this was even better! I was shaking, grunting, screaming (Elysia alleges that I was calling upon a multitude of dieties, but I think that this is an overstatement. A group, perhaps, but definitely not a multitude - in any case, I don't think a single one interceded on my behalf, so, the whole argument is pointless as far as I'm concerned). At one point, I began sweating profusely, and my vision started to gray and to tunnel out. I am fairly certain that I was on the verge of passing out.

During the first 40 or 50 hours (translation: 4 to 5 minutes), I was somewhat concerned, which quickly moved up the scale to frightened, then terrified that I was going to die.

During the subsequent 2 to 3 weeks of pain (translation: 8 to 10 minutes), I quickly became just as terrified that I was not going to die.

Eventually, the damned thing wore off, and I was able to hobble back to bed, soaked in sweat, and trembling. I managed to scare the living shit out of Elysia in the process, and have a grand time enjoying the whole incident myself.

What confuses me is that after that amount of pain, it seems that my leg should either have been injured, or should have given birth to twins. I can't quite figure out which one.

From what I can learn, nobody has ever figured out the cause of Night Cramps, so there is no known way of preventing them.. (this is because the researchers who should have been conducting this research are a bunch of lax, lazy no good rotten dirtbags who should have been put into a blender at birth!).

One possible cause is vitamin deficiency. I personally think that this is pretty stupid, since I should be getting all of the vitamins that I need and more from all of the food that I eat. Apparently, there is something missing, so I should either start eating eggshells, chicken bones, and ox tongues, or I can spring for the bucks to buy a bottle of multi-vitamins.

I suppose I'll have to get the vitamins.

No matter what I do, though, I have to address the body composition issue. While I am not a rotund fat-assed slug (I just play one, on TV), I absolutely need to trim down and tighten up. Somewhere along the road I let myself relax a little too much, and now is the time to pay my dues and get my freak on!

When I am all cut and ripped and muscular, I will post naked pictures of myself on this blog.

.....Right after I am elected president of the United States and win the lottery (on the same day).