Precedence: ROUTINE
DTG: XX JULY 1979 XX 0300 HOURS (LOCAL)
LOCATION: IRAKLION AS, CRETE, GREECE USAF
==================================
I was sleeping soundly in my barracks room... it was summertime, and hot as hell! It had taken me a long while to finally get to sleep... tossing and turning, my skin sticking to the damp sweaty sheets... until, finally, I had managed to drift off to a fitful semblance of sleep... and then;
THWACK!! W-W-Whizzzzzz..... CRACK-CRACK-CRACK!!!
"Wh-what the f---?!"
I rolled over, and tried to find the dream I had been having... something about a cool jungle pool, and a waterfall.. surrounded by lush vegetation... bird calls.... tropical flowers....
"FRm-Whzr-schlaazp...frr...!!!" THWACK!! Whiiiiiizzzzzzzzzzz!! WHACK! CRACK!! POP POP POP!!!
I sat straight up in bed... question marks hovering over my head.... what on earth was that??
I could hear insects chirping away... somewhere in the distance, the Aegean sea was pounding away on the shore.... I listened intently.... I could hear the sound of tires on the road... probably a Security Policeman patrolling the base....
"FRIZ.. MUM... rahrzbhlizh!!" THWACK!! ZZZZZZZZZZhooosh!!! WHACK!! CRACK!!
????? !!!!!
I got up, and quickly walked to the door of my room... pressing my ear against the door...
THWACK!!! ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz WHACK!!
Something had just hit the metal door-frame; scant inches from my ear.... with a fairly decent amount of force.. startling the shit out of me!! Pissed off now, I wrenched the door open, and stepped out into the hallway, determined to find out just what the *FUCK* was going on at THREE O'CLOCK IN THE FRIGGIN' MORNING!!!
As I took that first step, I heard a loud "THWACK!" emanate from some distance to my right, instantly followed by a whooshing, whirring sound... getting rapidly closer... and, wisely, I snapped my head back, just in time, apparently... as I felt a breeze on my right cheek and just caught a glimpse of something colored neon green shooting by from left to right less than a half inch in front of my nose... I glanced to the right to track the object... whatever it was... but it was moving WAY too fast to see clearly.... whatever it was ricocheted off of the cinder-block wall, gouging out a chunk of concrete and paint... chips splattered across the hall with a sandy clatter.. and something punched a hole in the drop-ceiling tiles and disappeared!!
I ducked low... and quickly peeked around the edge of my doorframe towards the origin of the 'Thwacking' sound I had heard a few seconds earlier... I instantly pulled my head back, not wanting to chance losing an eye... or worse!!
"MWRMM-Blz-phrizzt!! HAH!!" -- THWACK!! Whizzzzzzzz--zzz--zzz-zz-z-zzzzzzz..... CRACK!! POP-POP-POP... Clatter!!
What I had just seen in the half second that I had stuck my head out from behind cover began to gel in my mind..... What? The? Fuck? !!
At the opposite end of the hallway...there stood a very drunk, and very naked male... with a golf club in his hand!!! At his feet was a cooler, ostensibly filled with cold beer, and a milk crate.
????
Unsteadily, he bent down, and extracted... by the hair... one of perhaps a hundred Russ Trolls (you know; the happy friendly little naked blokes with the big googley eyes and the sticky-up multi-colored hair!) that were stacked in the milk crate. He set it down on the floor in front of him, and yelling out something unintelligible that sounded like "Mrrph...Gwamzzzts!!" He wound up and hit the troll (this one had purple hair) with a resounding THWACK!! It whizzed down the hallway at approximately 300 mph, until it hit a doorframe, bounced back and forth off of the opposite walls... and came to rest.. spinning slowly... in the far opposite corner of the hall... just by the exit door that led out to the exterior stairwell.... on the hinge side of the door.
"Dude!? What're you DOING??!!"
THWACK!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzz!!! Whack!!
"Hey!! Would you watch that!?!?"
THWACK!!! WHIZZZZZZZZ.... CRACK!!!
"HEY ASSHOLE!! KNOCK IT OFF!!"
THWACK!!!! WHIZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... BOP-BOP-WHACK!!
"Do you even LIVE HERE???"
THWACK!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzz WHAP!!
.....
.....
THWACK!!! FWA-FWA-FWA-FWA-FWA.... CRACK!!
"Hey! I wonder if you can reach the OCEAN from here with those things??"
He... whoever the hell he was.... turned and stared down the hall at me with bleary, drunken, bloodshot eyes for a few seconds.... slowly, he turned his head to gaze out through the window that was set into the door.... then.. without another word, he tucked his golf club under his arm, and, picking up his milk crate full o' trolls and his cooler, banged the door open with a bare foot, and walked - bare-assed - out onto the landing of the third floor stairwell... (there was one at each end of the building...)
I stood there, watching him hammering away at the trolls for a few seconds...attempting to reach the ocean (that was just over a quarter mile away...) and then, distractedly wondering what on earth the trolls might've done to piss him off... trundled off back to bed....
I'll tell ya! Defending the world from Communism can be a dangerous business sometimes!!....
