Bad Blogger! ... No Doughnut!!

Firstly, please accept my apologies for being a neglectful blogger.. (if there are any readers left out there who even bother to check to see if I have written anything anymore...)

I have been mostly focusing my mental energies on my studies, and since most of the assignments are research/writing intensive, it takes a great chunk of both time and mental resources away from what I would generally apply to blogging.

It isn't that I don't love you anymore, or that I have forgotten about you... I promise!

In my religious studies, the lion's share of the assignments are directed towards developing and exercising one's intuitive thinking... learning to see beyond the surface level of whatever the topic at hand may be. While I tend to do this as a matter of course anyway, it isn't a dramatic detour from Bear's normal way of thinking, living, and acting... what is different, however, is the context of the thought and focus of the thinking.

While I have philosophized and devoted a great deal of thought to spiritual and/or religious thinking, this is now directed and distilled through the vehicle of the assignments that I have been working on.

Much of it is experiential, and time must also be devoted to prayer, meditation, and other exercises that serve to unite aspects of the self into a more unified whole (those aspects being mind, body, and spirit in this instance).

So, as you may imagine, my plate has been somewhat full. Nothing in any of this should lead one to believe that my regular schedule of work, gym, and normal maintenance of living area/body/life in general has been changed or diminished in any way. These things must still be attended to. I am called upon to find the time for study in the 'spaces between' the other times. In some ways I am able to do it, and in others I end up dumping on Elysia to some extent, which isn't cool.. because she ends up having to do more than her share... so this is something that has to be worked out so that it won't become a regular thing. Mind you, she hasn't said anything... but I know when it happens... so I am working on squaring that away. Balance is the key... and sometimes it takes some adjustments to get your equilibrium just right. That is where I am at the moment.

I am moving along in my coursework, and developing a rhythm, which is good. I am learning new things, and learning exactly what it is that I already know, but didn't know that I knew! So.. all in all, things are coming along in the spiritual/college/continuing education department.

We had a wee layoff from the gym, due to minor injuries... and we are back on track again, so that's a good thing! We sat down and re-examined what we were doing, and have uncovered a huge flaw in our eating habits! Apparently, our conception of what constituted a portion, compared with the actual size of a portion as viewed by the remainder of the world who are not obese, is spectacularly and hideously out-of-whack. This explains a great deal, and hopefully, now that we have gotten our periodic reality check out of the way, we can continue on with our program and actually start seeing some results once again... apparently, there is a thing called 'portion size creep' whereby you start out with normal sized portions, and over time, the size of the portion insidiously grows until you are consuming the equivalent of three hefty-sized water buffaloes, .75 acres of greenery, and sixty-seven barrels of grains and pastas... ... ... between meals!!

Needless to say... that's not cool.

The amount of weight that I need to lose could serve as ballast for most of the Pacific Fleet. Shit.

The garden is starting to wake up, and this brings joy to my heart!! We have Snowdrops, Crocuses, and Daffodills blooming, and many of the other plants are poking thier wee heads out of the earth and are well on their way!! I feel like I am seeing old friends again when I see them starting to grow this time of year!

Hopefully, this weekend will be a relaxing one, devoted to resting, recharging, study, companionship.. and, well... other stuff!!

I found out last night that one of the people from my Gaelic study group had a massive stroke and a heart attack, and that he had lay for two or three days on the floor of his apartment, all alone and in pain, before anyone knew that he was in trouble.. When I think of this, it makes me feel slightly ill. Needless to say, everyone is praying that he recovers, but, with something like this, I'm not sure how much one can hope for. I suppose you hope for the best and be grateful for whatever good comes of it...

I have been going through a somewhat awkward situation at work with a supervisor getting physical on an almost daily basis. This ranged from pushes and shoves, to ear flicking, to hard slaps in the head, to outright hitting.

At first, I wasn't sure how to respond, and tried to take it as a form of play. Over time, it started to get more and more physical until it was actually becoming painful, leaving marks, etc. I asked that he stop, tried to talk to him, and finally demanded that he stop, but it wasn't working.

Talking to the owner wasn't really an option because he is almost never there, and something tells me that it would come out completely wrong and lopsided, making me look like a bit of a puss in the end. Not that I much care whether I am looked on as a puss, it is more of a case of me not having confidence in that course of action.

I spoke with my wife about it.. at length (I think she might just have me whacked if I bring this up much more...), and she said that I was warning way too much, and that I needed to start taking action more. She phrased this a little differently than I have portrayed it, what she actually said was along the lines of; "You need to quit trying to warn him so much, and start hurting him... every time he touches you... he'll get the message, eventually. He just has to decide how badly he needs to be hurt before he stops..."

I pretty much decided that, in spite of my personal feelings about physicality, she was correct in what she had said. So, the next time he touched me, I popped him in the gut, not really hard, and said, "I'm not going to keep warning you to keep your hands off me. Every time you touch me, you are going to get hurt. Knock that shit off!!"

He was slightly surprised, but came back again the next day and grabbed the hood of my sweatshirt, and tried to choke me by pulling on it. I knocked his hand away, and told him to knock it off. As I turned to walk away, he slapped me in the back of my head. So, I decided to put Elysia's suggestion into practice, and nailed him with a quick but fairly solid lead-hand jab in the center of his chest. His eyes got big and round, and filled with tears, and he began doing something with his mouth that fish do when they are taken out of the water.. I didn't say anything. I just stared at him, and patiently waited for his next move.. He went and sat down for a while, then he left for an hour or so. Later in the day, I heard him telling someone that I "stopped his heart for a few seconds". So far, he hasn't touched me at all, and has been extremely polite, which is very, very much out of character for him. I feel somewhat sheepish about the whole thing, preferring to just be happy and get along with everyone, but part of me recognizes that it wasn't really my choice to take the situation that far. He could have chosen to stop it at any point along the way. I never, ever start in on him or put my hands on him. So this is where it stands, and I am hoping that we have gotten past the whole physical intimidation crap and can simply work together and be comfortable.

I'm not sure if it will work out that way... but I will settle for simply working together and keeping our hands to ourselves, to be quite honest. The owner's brother works with us on a daily basis, and has recognized that I never start the incidents and that responded reasonably by consistenly using the very least amount of force necessary to deal with a difficult situation. He seems to think that I should have responded this way long ago and nipped it in the bud. I think he and Elysia are right. I really hate the contention... I just want to go to work, do my job, and stay happily inside my own head until it is time to go home... where I really want to be!