Morning Coffee

It is around 7AM, and I've just arrived at work. After a solid week of rain here, the place is hopping. People's roofs have failed, they have water coming into their houses, and they want their roofs fixed... NOW!

This is when the roofing contractor's business comes alive, and they are out in force, standing three and four deep at the counter wanting to pick up their materials and get as early a start as they can on their respective jobs (the sooner they finish.. the sooner they get paid!).

The phone is jumping off the hook, and we are jumping through our asses trying to keep up!!

I've been here perhaps four minutes, and I'm already richochetting off the walls and furniture, helping customers, answering phones, answering questions, and basically trying to do six things at once without fucking it all up. I haven't had my coffee (which I am positively dying for, and I have to pee!)

The owner has a strict rule concerning the telephones; They are to be answered within two rings at all costs. Even if we simply ask the caller to hold on, or take a telephone number so that we can call them back. He doesn't want them sitting on hold, or listening to the phone ring a dozen times. This is a bit of a sticky point when we have forty impatient contractors glaring at us, but, the boss makes the rules!

RING! RING!

"Hello, Such-And-Such Roofing Supplies, Bear Speaking, How can I help you??"

"I'm a roofa." (Roofer... this is Long Island, New York.. Get with it!!)

"I believe you! How Can I help you??" (Please tell me what the fuck you want so that I can clear the counter!)

"I gotta traila dat I carry all my shit in..."

(Great.)

".... I see... ... And?"

"It gotta flat tie-yuh.." (a tie-yuh is a rubber product that is used on vehicles. They roll. You inflate them. Get the picture?)

(Is this guy late to a jobsite where he has to pay a COD charge to receive a delivery?? Maybe he's afraid our delivery driver will split and he won't get his delivery??)

"Okay... How can I help you, Sir?? What is it, exactly, that you need??"

Chewing... chewing.... slurping.... (this fucker has coffee...)... more chewing, finished off with a rather impressive belch.. then;

"IT GOTTA FUCKIN FLAT, ASSHOLE!!! HOWDA FUCKEMY S'POSED TO WORK WITTA FLAT??"

(Alright.. this guy is obviously a dick...)

"What exactly can I do for you, sir?... I'm not quite clear on how I can be of help.."

Chew, chew... (this is really nasty...)

"Well!?!? You got the tie-yuh fa my trailuh?? I need a fuckin' tie-yuh!!"

"No sir. We don't sell tires..."

[Abject incredulity] "You'se assholes ain't got no tie-yuhs!?!? You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me!!"

"I'm sorry... we don't carry tires here, sir..."

"And you call ya-selves a fuckin' ROOFING SUPPLY STAAW!?!?"

"Well... it's been rumored..."

"Where can I get a tie-yuh fa dis t'ing??"

I named off about three or four tire stores in the vicinity, trying to be helpful.

"Whattayou?? A fuckin' smartass!! FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!! I AIN'T COMIN' TA [Name of a local competitor. Not my place of business. This dude is a genius.] NO MORE!! WHATTYA THINKA DAT!!" He announced, triumph evident in his voice.

"I think it works well for me, too, under the circumstances... good luck with the flat, there, bright-light. Have a good day."

I hung the phone up and turned to face the mob. I still wanted a hot cup of coffee.. and I still had to pee... I suppose the coffee would have to wait...

What a way to start the day...