Sort of a weird thing happened this morning at work. A customer (who everyone basically thinks is a dick, by the way) came in, and I asked him what he needed. He was going to pick up some items that he needed for a job, and when I asked him what the method of payment would be, he told me that he wanted to charge the purchase to his account.
I asked him his name, and he told me. “T. H. Lohse” (Name changed to protect the asinine)
I looked up “T”
I looked up “T.”
I looked up “TH”
I looked up “Lohse”
I looked up “T Lohse”, “TH Lohse”, “T.H. Lohse”… and?
No go… I couldn’t find his friggin’ account anywhere.
No big deal, I could pull his account file, and look up his account number… but before I did this, I said to him, “I’m having some trouble finding your account. I know that it’s in here, because I just saw it the other day when I was looking up someone else’s account. By any chance, could it be under some other spelling?? Or would you possibly have a copy of an invoice with you with your account number on it?? It would speed things up quite a bit …. If not, no problem, I can just pull your file and get the number from there….”
His response?
T.H. Lohse – Idiot: “FUCK THIS!! I’M GOING TO (insert name of competitor here), THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE!!” (Stomp, stomp, stomp… sound of slamming door (that doesn’t naturally slam.. he assisted it, sound of vehicle starting and vehement screeching of tires…)
In Bear’s head – “What the fuck??”
The Fly: “Did you just make him leave?!?”
Bear: “Well… He sort of left on his own?”
The Fly: “DID YOU TRY TO STOP HIM??!!”
Bear: “Not likely…”
The Fly: (running to catch T.H. Lohse – Idiot) “YOU’RE A FUCKIN’ COCK-A-ROACH!!”
In Bear’s head – “Cockroach is a two-syllable word… you fucking illiterate…”
The Fly ran back to The Nose… “Tattle tattle tattle… cry cry cry”
The Nose raps on his window, beckons to me (I got the single index finger – which, incidentally, goes straight up my ass!! I fucking hate it!!)
Nose: “Did T.H. Lohse leave??”
Bear: (Who is by now completely bent out of shape, for a number of reasons... first off, dickwad who stomped out had no bonafide reason to do so, and everybody knows it, or should know it. I didn't appreciate the Fly's response, or, for that matter, being called a cockroach. The finger-crook-come-hither action, which ticks me the fuck off, and the overall attitude whereby I am automatically wrong, and if I manage to prove that I am not wrong, I'm wrong anyway... it sucks!! These people will hang you out to dry in a second! So I am already starting out, um, shall we say.... a bit snippy) “Nose… you know goddamned well that he did… do you have an actual question?? Or am I just here to be reprimanded??”
Nose: “Well?? Did he leave?”
Bear: “Yeah…………… he left.”
Nose: “Well!?!? Did you try to stop him??”
Bear: “Um…….. no! Why the fuck would I try to stop him when he so obviously wanted to leave??”
Nose: (at the top of his lungs...) “NEXT TIME YOU CAN’T FIND AN ACCOUNT… YOU FUCKING ASK SOMEONE!!”
Bear: (**Note here: I had been on them for over a year to give me access to the accounts so that I could go through them, correct all of the spelling errors, and make the database 'searchable', they have odd spellings, special characters that render the searchability completely useless, and no conventions or standard operating procedures whatsoever. So. This has already been an annoyance to me, and now as a result of it I am being reprimanded. This isn't something that I deal with all that well; I recognized a problem, came up with a viable solution, and was prevented from executing my plan for no reason other than a power kick or who knows why... so at this point, I could feel my blood pressure begin to shoot up... Bear isn't in a very happy place right now, and my self-control is wearing thin.... "DANGER! DANGER! YOUNG WILL ROBINSON!!")
“I was confident that I could find his account… the whole thing took about 20 seconds… his response wasn’t exactly appropriate, or predictable…”
Nose: (Surging to his feet, face red, hands balled into fists) “I SAID YOU FUCKIN’ ASK SOMEONE!!”
Bear: (Like a borderline homicidal psychotic maniac…I’m embarrassed to say…) “WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING TO!?!?! YOU BETTER SIT THE FUCK DOWN BEFORE I FUCKING KNOCK YOU DOWN!! (He sat down.. Immediately..) AND YOU DON’T FUCKING YELL AT ME!! I TOLD YOU I COULD HAVE FOUND HIS FUCKING ACCOUNT!!! HE’S A DICK, AND YOU KNOW IT!!! FUCK YOU!! FUCK THIS JOB!! I’M GOING HOME. YOU CAN GO POUND SAND UP YOUR ASS!! I DON’T GET PAID ENOUGH TO PUT UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT FROM YOU!
Office Personnel: Dead silence. All hands attempting to appear as though they are either not present, or as though they are VERY involved in whatever they happen to be doing.
I started for my bag, and began packing up my shit. I was absolutely FURIOUS! My knees were shaking, and I could feel adrenaline coursing through my veins. My Scottish temper was in full swing, and Bear was along for the ride….
Nose: “Bear… could’ja come back here… uh… don’t leave… let’s talk about it. I shouldn’t have yelled…..”
Bear: “…….. …… yeah, sure, Nose…”
We both apologized for yelling… He decided to call T.H. Lohse, idiot… and mend fences… and I went back to work.
Everybody pretty much left me alone for the rest of the day.
One of the Yard guys sidled up alongside me in the afternoon, gave me a jab in the ribs with his elbow and snickered, “So… I heard you gave it right back to the Nose, huh?? Alright Bear!! You have balls the size of church bells, you know that??!!”
I sort of felt a little stupid, but I think I would respond pretty much the same way if it happened again. Nothing I ever said or did should have given him any inkling that it would be okay to talk to me like that. I get paid to work, not to be anybody’s whipping post.
Nose left for the day, and we all got a little respite. It was refreshing!!
Now I’m off to the gym to work off the stress in a somewhat …er, healthier manner…!!
I actually told my boss that I would knock him down, to go fuck himself, and to go pound sand up his ass….. yikes!!
I can be a real Bear sometimes, I guess…. (get it?? Bear!?!? Ha!!)
Oh, and by the way... to complete a successful search and actually find that account in our computer, one would have to type space - space - M22 - space - T - period - H - period - space - LOHSE
Yeah... that's intuitive.... .... please... (Snort!)
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