Sunday, July 12, 2009
Mathgamhain Nua (Neo-Bear)
At precisely one minute after midnight on the morning of 9 July, two things happened; I turned 50 years old, and I ended my one year life experiment entitled 'Dying Practice' which I have chronicled in my Dying Practice Blog/Journal.
My actual dying practice will only ever really end with my death... as dying is everything leading up to death, and death requires no practice at all.. once I am dead, death will take care of itself.
Until that time, however, every moment is a moment during which I can try to copy my good actions rather than my unskillful ones, or perhaps create new skillful or good actions. By using the terms good/bad, skillful/unskillful, etc., I am, of course falling into the trap of dualism, however, being a human being, and selecting a blog within which I choose to express myself via the medium of words.. I am stuck with words and with all of the associated attributes that come with words.. so, what am I to do with that other than my best?? In any case, 'good' and 'bad' are not making reference to some absolute benchmark, or to something defined by religious doctrine, law, or any other contrived or constructed measure. By good or bad, skillful or unskillful.. I simply mean that, when presented with a moment... or a moment within a moment.. that I am mindful and wise enough to choose the most appropriate response available to me according the to the true function of the moment.
Living authentically and fully is a stream of such choices... every inbreath and every outbreath offers a host of such choices... but, if we focus on this too closely, we become paralyzed by the sheer insurmountability of the myriad details!
So. How do I proceed?
I sleep when I am tired. Eat when I am hungry. Drink when I am thirsty. When I walk.. I just walk.. that's all. When I love, or laugh, or cry, or simply be... I dissolve completely into that moment, and give myself up entirely into it.
This is what I have learned... so, now comes the tough part. I must practice actually doing it... with every breath... without getting stuck... like a stream flowing... or like a silken scarf sliding off the edge of a glass table..
No hesitation.. just respond appropriately to whatever life unfolds.
Ha! What a crock of bullshit!! And yet, I shall try....
I think I can do it... I am new now. And improved!!
I will be sharing my thoughts from here once again from this day onward, and no longer on my Dying Practice Blog.
I wonder if any of you will come back to visit me?