Please Volunteer!

When I first walked into the room where we normally host the cocktail hour, I immediately suspected that I was in the wrong place. There were no chafing dishes, no salad bar, no serving tables at all! Not only that, but there was no DJ equipment, and no sign or evidence whatsoever that a wedding reception cocktail hour was planned to take place there, whatsoever!

I turned around and went back to the office to ask one of the Banquet Managers whether there was to be a cocktail hour for this party...

He answered to the affirmative in his deep resonant voice in its thick Hungarian accent;

"Of course! Cocktail hour in here, dinner in there!"

I stood there, gaping... (very suave)

His eyes narrowed, ever so slightly, and then, apparently to assist me since I was so obviously addled, he went on with more instructions regarding the party at hand. "This is non-alcohol bar."

And then, just in the event that my language comprehension skills had entirely failed me for some reason, he decided to helpfully explain what this meant;

"This bar... NO ALCOHOL AT ALL - just soda, juices, water, and many frozen drinks. Perhaps you will prepare ice-ed tea... and, if you wish, non-alcoholic beer."

"Great.. got it. Thanks." Was my reply... I tried to keep the disappointment/annoyance from showing on my face.... I have worked these types of parties in the past, and as a general rule (read: in every single case thus far!) they suck balls.

So. This is a wedding. No food. No music. No drink. No nothing... the guests will be bored and annoyed.. at least enough of them to make life.. ah.. interesting for the staff...

Oh well... you gotta work with the hand that you are dealt, right?

When the other bartender showed up, it was someone I had never worked with, and whom I had only seen tend bar once or twice... he's a nice enough guy, a little inexperienced, but, every single one of has been there.... it would be alright......

"Hey, how's it going?" I called out in greeting as he approached the bar where I was setting up.

"Not so good, not so good.." he replied.

(Uh-oh... what is that all about?)

"Why? Did something happen?" I asked.

"My brother is gone." He said.

"... ... ... ... (???!) ... ... ........... uh.. gone?"

"He passed away... he was killed... he died... in a car crash... back home in the Dominican Republic... hedrovehiscaroffacliffinthemiddleofthenightandwedon'tknowifhewasdrinkingorwhat.... he was 27 years old... I have to leave to go there tomorrow morning and my passport expires today! I'm just going to try to get there... I'll worry about getting back once I'm there..."

"... (holy shit)... um... wow... I'm really sorry, man... I... I... don't know what to say.... ... sorry."

"What can you say? There are no words..... but thank you..."

He went on to say that he was only working to get enough cash so that he could pay for incidentals on his trip... some food... tips... etc. When I told him what sort of party we had...he was, um.... less than elated.

We got set up, the doors opened... and in came the guests...

"Hello! What would you like, sir?"

"Lemme get a screwdriver."

"I'm very sorry sir, today we have a non-alcoholic bar. I can offer you soda, juice, fruit punch, iced tea, water..."

"Um.... aa-ight then... lemme get a gin & tonic."

"Ah... we don't have any alcoholic beverages whatsoever at the bar today, sir.... may I offer you something else, perhaps??"

"Oh! Tha's right! No alcohawl.... I guess I'll just have a glass of wine then..."

And this is pretty much how it went all night.... and then there was the line... or lack thereof..

fifty to over one hundred people... all shouting out what they want... simultaneously.

"Yo!! Gimme two Piña Coladas!" (we prepare virgin frozen drinks for the non-alcoholic bars)
(This came from somewhere to my right, and some distance back in the crowd... along with many other shouted orders from everyone at once...)

I continued to serve the person standing at the bar directly in front of me...

"YO!! GIMME MY PIÑA COLADAS!! YOU DEAF OR SUMP'N?!?!"

"There's a line sir... I'm helping the guest at the front of the line... I will be happy to help you, just as soon as I have served the other guests who are ahead of you....."

"I just want my two Piña Coladas!"

"I understand... but there are people ahead of you.. ... I'm sorry..."

"Yo asshole... just get two glasses, and pour the fuckin' drinks into 'em for me, okay?"

I was suddenly and instantaneously stricken by 'elective deafness' and continued on with what I had been doing...

My 'friend' pushed through the crowd, and worked his way around to the side of the bar;

"Just give me my drinks. I ain't waitin'"

I shot him a glance.. and continued to work without replying....

"YOU HEAR ME?!!?"

"Yes sir.. I did. And I will be happy to give you your drinks....."

I served the next person in line.

"WHERE'S MY PIÑA COLADAS!!"

"I am going to make a fresh pitcher just for you, my friend..."

"Oh.... that's cool.... but could you hurry?"

"Absolutely!"

I served the next couple at the bar...

My 'friend' inhaled to speak to me once again.. but I cut him off;

"I will need to see some ID from you, my friend..."

"Wha-?!"

"My apologies... you look young to me... I'm on camera, you understand.... " and I indicated the surveillance camera mounted on the wall.

"Damn!" - Off he went in search of some ID. When he returned, I had his drinks ready and waiting, and off he went... happy at last. I was happy as well, since I wouldn't have to contend with an angry mob for allowing him to cut in front of them... by the time he returned with his ID, his turn in line had come up.

.... and so it went for the entire night..... after the cocktail hour, we moved into the main reception hall... where, if anything, it was worse. They had a buffet... of sorts.... chicken wings and some rice... these poor folks were broke, that much was obvious... and I'm sure that they did their very best to have the best celebration that they could afford. This much is understood, and the entire staff, to their credit, does as fine a job for the low-budget parties as they do for the extravaganzas.... but, at the same time.. it hurts us.. since we work primarily for tips, and at these parties nobody tips. They don't have it... we know that ... we all struggle, too... but it's hard to put in a grueling 8 to 12 hours and walk away with nothing.... but, its all part of the deal. Thats the industry, I guess....

I am going to request, in writing, that the venue obtain and issue to me one white armband with a prominent bright red cross affixed to it.

If I am going to be a volunteer, I should at least have the privilege of looking like one!!

Our combined take for the entire night?? (this is the amount, in tips, that we split between us...)

Zero.

Nothing.

Not a single, solitary, red cent.

On top of this, when I was leaving for the night, the owner shouted, railed, ranted, threatened, and stomped his feet over how we were going to be forced to care for the new bars that he had just ordered, how anything other then what he wanted would not be tolerated, and that strict measures would be taken, that we had better not be the one who would be made an example of, etc., etc., blah-blah-blah... (I personally make it a point to clean everything that I use, and to leave it in better condition than how I find it when I come in... but I always seem to be the recipient of these sermons.....). I just stood there, impassively gazing at him until such time as I could extricate myself with as little social awkwardness as humanly possible... and off I went into the cold night. Time to go home at last.

And that my friends, is how my day went yesterday....