This appears to be a genetic deficiency that I inherited from him somehow, which seems to be in direct conflict with any and all natural laws and scientific principles, but I assure you that it is so;.... You see, the last time he came to visit, he advised us that he would be arriving at 09:00AM, when in fact he was arriving at 21:00 hrs, (which is 9:00PM). The confusion arose due to the fact that when in the military, all times are written or otherwise communicated utilizing a 24 hour time format. When he read his ticket, it said 09:00 which he understood to mean 0900hours, or nine hours after midnight... in direct contradiction to the particularly visible "AM" that followed the time. Had it said 2100 instead, the entire calamity would have been avoided.... in that instance, we went to the airport twice in order to pick him up once, and, so it would seem, we haven't yet found any reason to break this pattern of behavior.
I don't have any such convenient excuse, so I have to simply admit to being a complete dunce and leave off of it.
(Herendeth the daily gauntlet of humiliation)
I have noticed, as a point of interest, although not as a point of concern, that I completely lack a particular quality of thought, or character, or personality that just about everyone with whom I work, and with whom we do business seems to exhibit.
They all have a great deal of interest in the newest, most well-equipped, up-to-date, state of the art, bleeding edge, technologically advanced whatever that happens to be the focus of attention at any given point in time.
What the HELL am I on about (??!) you must be wondering?.... well, quit your wondering, read on... and I will tell you;
It seems to me that everyone else with whom I share my daily existence, excepting myself (and my wife), appears to know instinctively what the most sought-after faddish consumer item is at any given moment. Whether it be a game console, satellite radio, snowmobile, portable mp3 player, watch, television, cd player, cell phone, or what have you. They all know what it is, what its features are, how much it costs, and where, or whether or not it is currently available, what accessories are, or will, become available for it, and when, and just about every other obscure detail that can possibly exist regarding what, at least to me, is simply an inanimate object.
I have watched this process repeat itself over and over, and it sort of goes like this; A new doohickey is announced, and everybody simply must have one, or they will be miserable. They all rush out and purchase one, and everybody is thrilled! For a time. Eventually, they tire of it, and you don't really see or hear about it any more. THEN!, a new doohickey!, or an improved one comes out, and they all need that one! Same deal; they pine away for it until they get thier hands on it, and after some relatively short period of time, the object loses its value, and they want something else, something newer, something cooler, something that has more features,... whatever!... it is, apparently, an unending process of consumerism. I want, I want, I want... because I am entitled to HAVE! To me.. this is a mistaken and ill way of thinking that requires healing.
Strangely to other people, but not at all strage to me is the fact that I don't really have this going on inside my head... this isn't a pronouncement of my superiority or some arrogant statement... It can't be, because I'm not describing an achievement, I am describing an inherent quality.. It isn't something that I have any right to feel superior about, it is just something that is. I am left handed. I have brown eyes. I don't feel a need to continuously add to my collection of stuff. It is what it is.
I don't really want to participate in the whole consumerism thing.. I have, basically, what I need, and I don't go about attempting to continuously acquire more, and more, and more... I just don't. And I'm glad for it.
I am happy with what small amount of stuff that I own, although, admittedly, I do go out and buy the occasional book. Other than that, I don't really buy 'stuff' unless it is something that I need, (and I mean actually need). This isn't because I am a cheap bastard, and it isn't because of my crappy financial situation (I am emphatically not cheap or miserly, and my financial status is crappy, but neither really has anything to do with the situation...) it has pretty much always been that way. I just don't crave stuff. On one hand, it is somewhat obscene to me to continuously want more and more and more with no end in sight. Particularly when most of that stuff will simply sit unused in a garage, attic, on a shelf, or someplace else.
I am very much aware of what so many people do not have... and I am talking about basic necessities, here, folks. And I am also even more aware of what all of this amassing of things does to us as a people. From an ecological standpoint, from a cultural standpoint, and from a spiritual standpoint. I don't like what I see... so I have taken a deliberate step away from it, in truth... but this goes deeper in me, in the sense that I never really had this particular bent. I have always been essentially happy with the stuff that I already had, and I take care of it. I don't need the newest, shiniest, most up to date gadget in existence in order to be happy, or in order to feel a part of 'the club'.
It just isn't on my radar. And I don't want it to be. Honestly, its kind of creepy to watch from the outside looking in. I feel as though these folks really won't be happy unless they acquire whatever the 'flavor of the month' happens to be. Its sad, to me, in a way. They don't appear to be able to just enjoy life 'as it is' without having or using these adjuncts in order to do so... what does that say about us as a society, I wonder?
This situation can be awkward for me when someone says something like, "So, what do you think of the new Sirrius?(sp?), they're really hard to come by, eh?"
When this question was posed to me yesterday, I tried like hell to determine from the context just what a Sirrius (Serious? Zirrius?) was... finally, I was forced to admit that I had no idea what the person was talking about. This, strangely, affronted the individual who more or less stormed off in righteous indignation, apparently because he felt that I was being deliberately obtuse. I was not. I have since learned that the item in question is some type of satellite radio for the vehicle, and is difficult to find... But I don't care. I don't NEED a satellite radio. I don't care about them... I don't read about them... I don't think about them...I don't seek out information regarding them, and, since I have no plans to obtain one, I have no need to know about them.
I'm confused as to why other folks get insulted when I explain that I don't really buy stuff, as a general rule, and that I honestly don't understand very much about what they are talking about, since I have no frame of reference, and because of the fact that this subject matter holds absolutely no relevance to my life, such as it is, and, furthermore, (Wow! that's a lot of 'ands'!) that I am happy for them for the fact they are getting the thing that they seem to think is so important, but that I'm not sure why they need it or what they are going to do with it, since the last twenty things that were going to be the source of happiness didn't seem to last all that long....
This is where I am generally accused of being a weird fuck and dismissed. Angrily.
My question is this.. WHY do I have to want material shit for which I have no need and no desire in order to fit in and be viewed as socially acceptable?? I find enjoyment in other things... I read, I learn, I love the world around me; the sky, sunsets, plants, the weather, my village, the ocean, lakes, rivers, meadows... that sort of stuff... it is FREE. It is always there... and it is much more valuable to me than a television the size of a dumpster! I cannot find a single thing wrong with this view. It is a completely articulateable and more or less self-evident fact, as far as I am concerned, that this fixation on buying things, more things, and yet more things is nothing more than an artificial substitution for some quality that is obviously missing in each of these person's lives. If they were generally happy, and went and purchased something.. it wouldn't even catch my attention, most likely.. This is not the situation that I am trying to describe here. I am talking about a person who has verbally or otherwise communicated in a clearly understandable fashion that they will not or feel that they cannot be happy without the object in question. There has got to be something wrong with this.... there just has to be!
I enjoy being with people and sharing the now. I don't feel a need to focus on a piece of property. I take enjoyment out of the process of living my life with my fellow creatures.. whatever they happen to be. I like to participate in my life. To take part, and BE a part. I don't need things in order to do that.
If other folks want things, that's fine by me... buy 'em! I don't need them, and I don't see why I should be judged because of this. The things that I generally do want or need are almost never the new high-tech consumer items. I may purchase art or craft supplies, or books, or perhaps a music CD, now and again. I HAVE a cd player... I don't need to constantly replace what I have with the newest version. What I have serves me well, and I am satisfied with that. Grateful for it, actually. If and when I perceive a need to acquire something, I usually think it over and wait until I can clearly see a need for this new item. It just seems sensible to me to live my life in this fashion.
It sort of goes up my ass that I have to get badgered and berated over this unimportant shit. I would like to tell these folks to go fuck themselves sometimes, but I know that this isn't the right way to handle it, so instead, I just explain that I don't want to take part in the cyle of amassing material objects for the sake of having them without any clearly definable need. When I do purchase something, particularly something that isn't an outright necessity.. it is just about always something that better enables me to engage my world, rather than to close myself off from it....
I am a custodian of this world... I don't own it. I am keeping it safe and sound for the children and grandchildren be they mine or other people's, who will follow in my stead. If I take careless actions that harm the environment, or destroy life, or damage the earth, then I am, in effect, screwing the future inhabitants of this world... human or otherwise. Its a selfish act, and it is morally repugnant to me.
I am not the only custodian of this earth. You are one, too. Each and every one of you. Don't for a second believe that your actions, or mine, don't have an effect. However small, they absolutely do.
I cannot say that the living of my life has never caused damage to the environment... I know that I produce waste, and that I consume resources... I do. This doesn't give me carte blanche to simply go on a rampage and use and destroy everything and anything around me! I may not be able to live transparently, but the least I can do is to be mindful enough to try to keep whatever negative impact that I, as a living, breathing person, have on my surroundings and on the earth at large.
No earth. No life. Period. Case closed.
There is some skewed view that many people hold that we (humans) are somehow superior to other life forms and that we have some right or entitlement to take whatever we want, no matter what it is, and to destroy anything that gets in our path. I don't think that we do.
I would love to be able to live in a fashion that would leave no footprints whatsoever behind me. Because I live in a society, I am forced (or I choose) to follow its mores to a great degree. On the other hand, I must also consider that somebody has to set the precedents for these mores, and that each person has to take responsibility for the impact that they have.
I suppose in some small way, I am trying to accomplish this by doing all of the small things that I do. One of these things is to not to start being drawn in by consumerism... I haven't been sucked in by it yet, so I see no reason to start now.
For whatever reason, the group of folks at my place of employment are overly concerned with amassing property, wealth, or whatever the hell that is... the level of greed is disturbing to me. I hear people who live a comfortable life do nothing but complain about the things that they don't have. Its sort of sad, in a way. Infuriating in others.
I am glad that I am me, in this case... I don't want to ever be like that. I would be terribly disappointed in myself if I ever realized that I had turned out that way.
On to the next topic...
On a spiritual level, I have been turning my focus more and more in this direction. This makes me happy, helps me to feel much more satisfied with my life, even though I was extremely satisfied to begin with, and has caused me to see things from a different perspective and to think about things in on different terms than ever before.
I am not a clergyman, and yet, I don't think I am entirely secular, either.... I am currently walking between the worlds.... part of me in this world, and part of me in the otherworld... while simultaneously being entirely present in both. This is turning out to be much more difficult to explain in words than I had thought...
I have been set on a course... or have set myself on a course, depending upon how one looks at it, I suppose...
I don't know where it will take me, or if 'where' is even an appropriate word in this instance. In any case, I am happy to be on this course, whether or not it ever goes anywhere... things are just.... better!! So, good for me, I guess. If this is too much of an introspective or intensely personal topic and has no relevence for you, the reader, my apologies. It does, however, hold great significance for me, and for my life... so I feel compelled to share it to some degree. I just want to make it clear that I am not trying to coerce anyone into sharing my beliefs or to change thier own in any way. I am simply sharing my own personal experience with you. That is, more or less, what this whole blog is about, after all!
I am looking forward to seeing my son. He has turned out to be better, in so many ways, than I ever could have hoped or expected. There were a great many difficulties in our relationship, and in raising him.... they seem to have all worked themselves out. He is doing remarkably well, and I am exceedingly proud of him. The only thing I ever wanted of him was for him to grow and find his way in the world, and to be happy. It seems to me that he is doing just that. What more can I ask?
3 comments:
I never know what the latest & greatest thing is. Primarily because I'm too self-absorbed.
NewYorkMoments,
Hey! Do you find yourself wondering what the F*CK people are talking about when they bring this sh*t up?? I confess that I don't really care about it much, but I don't like it when I make a customer feel awkward by not having any notion of what they are talking about... (... well... I don't feel *that* bad, since most of these characters do and say things that make the rest of the world feel awkward on a daily basis!)
I have to point out as an aside, that my word verication code for this comment was 'zczzylad' Sexy Lad! That's me! (from the wings: snicker, snicker, choke)
HEY!!
You know what is, for me, one of the worst things about buying into all that rot, or even getting even partially tempted into it? For instance, what happens I decide to buy a new computer, cell phone or other piece of electronic or technical equipment?
What happens is that once you settle on your little bit of technology, that is supposed to make your life a little easier, you suffer in one of just the few following ways: 2 days afterward, they come out with a "better" model that costs less, you become a slave to your gadgets, they don't work properly -- which is frustrating when you just "upgraded," i.e. spent a buttload of money on something that doesn't work much better than the old one. There will always be the obfuscation known in the biz as "planned obsolescence" or in the more honest parlance of yesteryear "There's a sucker born every minute".
Which is not even to mention the deeper issues -- that these things cannot satisfy the soul. Once you buy into it, you'll always want more and better, so it's best not to start. My philosophy is, I use technology, I won't let it use me.
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