Bad News...Good Ending

I was sitting at the computer, working on the previous post; 'Mindscapes' when Elysia came into NASA (what we call our computer room... long story, it was named thus by my brother-in-law.. just go with it..) and asked me whether I had lost my motivation to get this place completely cleaned up and squared away this weekend.

"No, but I sort of got involved in this right now... I'll get back into the swing of things as soon as I publish this post. It won't take all that long... I have a flow going on just now."

Obviously somewhat irked with me, she looked at me for a few seconds in that way that she has, and finally said, "Well.. the laundry has to be put away, the bathroom has to be cleaned, and the dirty laundry has to be taken to the laundromat. I was hoping to get this stuff done so that I can relax and, hopefully, so that we can relax together this evening. I wanted to have the evening to ourselves."

"Girl, I'll be done in just a little while. As soon as I'm finished here, I'll get right on it, I promise!"

She snorted, and began dressing to go out.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"The laundry has to be taken." was the reply.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"Somebody has to stay here. I have chicken soup cooking on the stove. Please remember to check on it. Don't get all caught up in what you're doing."

"I won't."

I heard her go out, start the vehicle, and drive off on her errand.

Dutifully, I checked on the soup twice while she was gone, which, truthfully, wasn't really all that long.

Before long, I heard her drive into the driveway, shut the vehicle off, and come inside.

When I heard the front door close, I called to her, "I checked the soup twice! Everything was fine!"

No answer.

"It was just starting to boil over, but when I took the lid off of the pot, it went right down, so no worries..." I clarified... wanting to make sure that she understood that I hadn't let her down.

She came upstairs, with her coat still on, which was odd, and stood in the doorway to NASA, looking at me with an oddly calm expression on her face.... deceptively calm, actually, but I got no sense that I was in any kind of hot water with her... it isn't like that with us.

"What's wrong?!" I prompted... intuiting that something was terribly wrong, but not knowing what it could be....

"Jack is dead. I think he got hit by a car..." she began.

I surged to my feet, shocked to the core. I could feel my blood run cold, and hear the blood pounding in my ears... Jack?! Dead?!

Jack is our outside cat. When we first moved here, there were a number of cats who would stop by from time to time to visit, and we would pet them if they let us, or feed them if they seemed to need it. Jack came by one day, and never left. He eventually sent all of the other cats packing, officially adopted us, and has been a fixture in our garden these past six years or so...

More importantly, he is my buddy, and a part of this family, as far as I am concerned. I love him, and he loves us.

To lose Jack would be a terrible loss... He sees me off every morning when I leave for work, and greets me every evening when I return home.

No matter what the weather, Jack is waiting for me when I come home. Always happy to see me, and eager to let me know about it!

I could feel the adrenaline begin to pump through my body at this news, and more than anything, I needed to go to him, to see if it was in fact him, and to bring him home if it was.

I rapidly went down the stairs, heart pounding, put on some shoes... I don't remember if they matched one another, never mind if they were mine, or if they matched what I was wearing... they were shoes!! Good enough...

I turned off the stove, grabbed something resembling a coat, and blasted out the door, snatching the keys as I went.

Elysia, in a tone of command, declared that she was driving. Apparently, one death of a family member in a day was enough for her. Understanding that this was most likely a good idea under the circumstances, I handed over the keys, and got into the passenger seat.

As we pulled out of the driveway, turning right to head in the direction of the spot where she saw him, she explained, "I saw him on the way to the laundromat. I got out of the car to be sure. I am pretty sure that its him, but I can't tell... they don't look the same when they're dead...."

I wasn't sure if she meant just cats, or anything... we have both seen our share of death, and we both know what it looks like. We have attended autopsies together... when she says something is dead... its dead. Nothing and nobody looks right when they are dead... something changes.. and while you can recognize them... you also recognize that the one who had inhabited that body had permenantly and inexhorably departed... it is a very bleak feeling in the best of times, and a devastating one in other circumstances....

As we made the turn, I could already see a small tabby body lying against the curb on the next block...

"He's lying against the curb, just past the stop sign." Elysia explained, not realizing that I could already see the small still body lying there.

I thought to myself, "He doesn't usually go that far...." as we drove up to him, but there he was...

She pulled up alongside, and I quickly got out of the vehicle. Squatting alongside the litte cat lying there, obviously quite dead.

I quickly looked him over, not wanting it to be Jack. Tabby fur, white markings in the right places, and a notch missing from his ear. I gently lifted the head to peer into his face... It was Jack. My little buddy was dead. He had stiffened already, and his tongue was protruding slightly from his partially open mouth. I could see a few injuries on his body. I placed my hand on the cold fur, and my eyesight blurred with tears that welled up and spilled down my cheeks.

I couldn't believe that he was gone. And I wasn't around to save him from whatever had gone wrong. I felt terrible....

I opened the back hatch of the vehicle, and spread some newspaper out on the floor of the storage compartment. I went and picked up Jack, feeling the stiffness.. the deadness of his little body... so abused by whatever vehicle had struck him.. leaving him dead there on the side of the road. Gently, ever so gently, I placed him on the newspaper and got back into the passenger seat.

Without a word, Elysia put the vehicle into gear and pulled away.

The drive home was only a couple of minutes, but it seemed much longer. My throat was constricted, and I felt as though I had been punched in the solar plexus. Mostly, I felt empty inside. Jack was gone, and there wasn't anything that I could do about it. He just wouldn't be there any more. I would never see him sitting tall and gazing up at me in the mornings, when I looked out the back window each morning, tail wrapped neatly around his paws. No more Jack sitting on the window sill behind the couch, watching TV and keeping us company. He was gone.

I decided that I would bury him under the spot where he would always lay in the sun, alongside the backyard fence. He would have liked that, I suppose.


Inwardly, I shudder at the thought of shoveling dirt onto him... but I know that it has to be done, and I don't want Elysia to have to do it.

We pull into the driveway after what seemed like an eternity. I get out of the vehicle, trying to see through tears as I walk back and open the hatch again. Picking Jack up in my arms, cradling him as gently as I am able, I turn to walk into the back yard.

"Meow?" I hear, in Jack's distinctive croaking voice. I look down at him, and he is still and quiet and dead in my arms. I am losing my mind... this must be bothering me even more than I suspected.

"What the...?!?!" Elysia. Apparently, she had heard it, too!

I look up, and crouched there by the corner of the Cottage, in his spot by the front gate, is Jack!! Alive, and wondering what all the fuss is about!!

"Jack!?" I manage to croak, before bursting into tears.

Elysia rushes over, scoops him up, and holds him in her arms.

I walk over and place my forehead against his, in the local cat-greeting that all of our cats seem to prefer (except for Jinx, but she's a bit of a dim bulb, so we overlook it...)

We both stood there, Elysia and I... Her holding the alive Jack, and me holding the dead one.... overjoyed that our Jack was safe, and sound, and happy, and home, and alive!! It was more than we could have ever hoped for!

I looked down at the Jack that I was carrying, and then at our Jack. It looked like the same cat! Exactly the same cat. The only discernible differences were that the dead Jack was ever so slightly larger, and the notch had been nipped out of the left ear, where I noticed that our Jack had a notch nipped out of his right ear.

Our Jack purred and purred, thrilled to be the focus of so much obviously happy, loving attention.

The other Jack, sadly, was still very dead, and there was work to be done.

"C'mon, girl... bring him into the yard, and get the shovel, if you would; I'll bury this lad."

I picked a spot in the very back, where the afternoon sun shines, and quietly buried the poor little creature that we had brought home with us. I knew that some family somewhere would be wondering where this lad had gotten off to, and figured that the least I could do was see to what was left of the poor little sod.

I couldn't bring myself to look as I shoveled dirt back into the grave that I had done until I was certain that the wee fellow was completely covered.

I spent the next half hour hugging and petting a decidedly happy and very lively Jack.

Poor Elysia kept apologizing and apologizing, obviously feeling that she had somehow misled me into believing that Jack had been killed. Honestly, though, even comparing the two of them side by side, the resemblance was uncanny. I can't help but wonder if this may have been a brother to our Jack. If Jack was born a stray in the neighborhood, then I would guess that his brothers and sisters may still be around... or at least some of them. I suppose anything is possible.

Honestly, the whole episode upset me quite a bit, even now, as I type this, my fingers are tingling, and I feel sort of wiped-out... but I am so happy that wee Jack is okay! Many thanks for that....

After we came back inside, and washed up, we had a belt of some good single-malt scotch!

"Here's to Jack!"

"Long Life to the Lad!"

I suppose that every once in a while, the Gods decide to give you a wake-up call and remind you of what is important to you. Even though something, or someone may be important to you, the threat of losing them forever has a way of putting things back into perspective for you.

I wouldn't have thought that I needed such a wake-up call, but now that I was forced to imagine what it would be like without the little lad running about the place, I will definitely go out of my way more often to let him know that he is loved and appreciated, and that I am damned glad that he is okay!