Now What?

Yesterday I attended a funeral service for one of the monks (a nun, actually, though we only have one word for a monastic which, in English, translates to either monk or nun.. in my order, we tend to use the term 'monk' regardless of the gender) of my order who passed away suddenly and unexpectedly last Sunday. Although we knew that she was ill, it came as a shock because she had had a surgery that had gone unexpectedly and quite happily, very, very well. Her physical parameters had been steadily improving, the doctors were pleased with the speed of her recovery, and to all intents and purposes, it appeared to all of us that she would make a full recovery. Her family had visited her in the morning, and she was lucid and seemingly doing very well. She was eating, she was cheerful, and there was no reason to expect anything other than for her to continue on her road to recovery. By the time her husband returned home, however, (as he pulled into the driveway, the phone rang..) he received a call that she was in critical condition, and that he was requested to return immediately to the hospital. Before he was able to get there, though... she had died. And just like that, in the space of a heartbeat, everything had changed for him.

I am disappointed because I had to leave partway through the service. This wasn't a willing choice on my part, it was because I was committed to work, and was unable to make any sort of arrangements that would enable me to stay throughout the service... I'm not sure whether this is, all in all, a benefit or a detriment; from one point of view, it sort of sucked because I had to leave partway through a service that I very much wanted to remain and take part in.... from the other point of view it is good because I was necessarily forced to recalibrate my mindset into a work routine that did not leave much room for dwelling upon the inherent sadness that is part and parcel with such a day...

This is, I think, a comment on life where the very good, the partly good, the not so good, and the very bad always stand either hand in hand, or at least within arm's distance of one another... there is, it would seem, very little white and black in life... and instead, so very many shades of gray. This makes things complex, but also simple I think...

It is in the attempt to 'pigeonhole' each situation and experience into the requisite 'good' or 'bad' categories that we often find ourselves being tied into knots of confusion, frustration, anger, sadness, and other types of suffering...

Perhaps it would make more sense to simply accept that things in life unfold just as they are, and leave it at that... without trying to impose our human limitations and judgments onto inherently unclassifiable circumstances... it never fully works, and it only gives us all headaches anyway...

---

As we were driving to the place where the service was to be held, it seemed to me to be either a very suitable or very unsuitable day for a funeral.. depending upon how you choose to look at it...

The sky was high and blue with a bright sun and a few scattered fluffy clouds scudding around... the branches of the trees and the blades of tall grass were encased in glittering sheaths of ice... it looked like the world was encrusted with diamonds...

We missed the turnoff for the place, at first... and ended up driving around for awhile until we saw a woman walking her dog, and stopped to ask for directions... she stared at me, in my vestments, for a brief moment, before telling us where we could find the place... I wondered if she had any 'there goes the neighborhood!' thoughts as she went on her way...

As we drove along, I saw a starling sitting in the road, obviously hurt or stunned. I pulled over and got out of the vehicle, walking back to where it sat, and gently picked it up. It didn't struggle, and it didn't seem to be especially afraid of being picked up and held by a huge, strange creature... it just sat there, placidly, and gave me the gift of its trust while it serenely stared at me with its glittering black eyes, waiting to see what I would do next, it seemed. I walked a way off the road, carefully negotiating the slippery ice (it would be awkward to fall on my ass while carrying an injured bird!) and set the little fella down next to a tree in a soft bed of ground ivy. Immediately, it spread its wings and flew off, apparently as healthy as could be... so that was a little strange. I apparently walked up to a healthy bird, fully capable of flying off, and simply picked it up. When I got back into the vehicle, my wife reminded me to wash my hands as soon as we got where we were going, apparently in an effort to save all of us from contracting avian bird virus. She is always very thoughtful when it comes to things like avian bird virus.

People had come in from all over the world for this service. The decedent was very well loved by everyone who knew her. She was an extremely unassuming, kind, quiet spirit.... she had absolutely no ego. And her understated directness captured the heart. This tiny little monk, who always somehow remained in the background, seeing that all of the essential details were being taken care of, without any fuss or bother... never asking for recognition or thanks, had, nonetheless, managed to earn the love and respect of everyone whose life she touched. She was a force of nature. I don't think that anyone who ever met her would argue the accuracy of that statement.

Her husband of 54 years is our priest and teacher. Understandably, his life is irrevocably altered by the loss of his wife, and the love of his life. They were so very much in love, and so very connected, that my heart aches for him. He isn't alone, but he is cast adrift just now... and there isn't very much that any one of us who so love him can do to fix the situation. All we can do is simply be there, and to try to help him to stand up in it. They say that time heals all wounds... but, I think that isn't exactly true. I think it is more accurate to say that time helps us to withstand the wounds that will never heal. He is very sad. I am very sad. She has left a huge empty space in all of our hearts.

I think it is fortunate that he was recently ordained as a priest (they had gone together to the main temple of our order in this country for a month long retreat. When they returned from this, she was showing the first symptoms of her sickness. He went back to the main temple to be ordained as a priest a week later, and upon his return the full extent of her illness had become apparent, and she was hospitalized at that time) when he was, because, as a priest, he is expected to start his own temple. This gives much needed purpose to his life, and, I believe, may very well be the mechanism that enables him to heal. For the time being, we are very much in a state of mental and emotional disruption. The regular monastic schedule that we follow as a community (albeit a very small ((and now, sadly, smaller by one...)) community) is suspended until further notice... naturally, we will each follow our individual schedule of daily spiritual practice, but for now the community is somewhat in need of healing...

Naturally, a good part of the distress that I am feeling is the result of my projecting his unfortunate circumstance onto my own life.

I think that this is one thing that anybody who has ever felt an uncommon love for another human being shares; the underlying fear that one day this will all necessarily have to end, and that there isn't a thing that we can do about it. It is going to happen, and one of us is going to be broken by it.

This is what it is to be human, I guess... and there is no getting around it.

Earlier, I stated that the good and the bad often (or always) stand hand in hand... this is true in this case as well, I think. When death strikes close to home, it affects each of us. If it is to serve any good purpose, I think it is to remind us that time is fleeting, and that life is impermanent, and that our own death is approaching... moment by moment, and that perhaps we should take a good, honest look at our priorities!

We won't be here forever, and neither will our loved ones be here forever. We don't know when any one of us will be the next to go... we only know that it will happen.

What we do know, is that we are here... now... and that those loved ones who are alive are also here with us. Perhaps for years.... perhaps for seconds.

Our lives are flying past us, and we can't do a thing to slow the passage of time. Each day of life brings us one day closer to death. It is one day less that we will have to spend with those that we love.

So, I think the message is that we cannot afford to waste even a second. Since we are born into this life, only to be taken out of it again some time later... it would seem to me that while we are here, the most important thing that we can do is to love one another, as fully and as completely as possible.

Rather than focusing on what we can get, and keep, and take, perhaps, in light of the fact that everything that we collect throughout our lives becomes as nothing at the moment that we die... we should focus our efforts instead on learning how to give of ourselves. Completely, and without reservation or condition.

This is what it is to love.

Giving of our understanding and tolerance helps us to see the beauty and the perfection in others, rather than the faults (of which each and every one of us has many!). Giving of our love and kindness helps us to realize the value of compassion.

When it all comes down to it, I think the reason for our existence, if such a thing as a reason actually exists at all, is for us to learn to transform our spirits, to love all living beings, to learn how not to be afraid to give completely of ourselves, without reservation... and to do what we can to make the lives of those around us a little better, and, perhaps, to ease the burdens of those around us in some small way.

When somebody dies, those who know them and love them don't remember what they had, they remember who they were, and this is what they miss.

As I write this, my wife is at her computer typing away at something... I know that one day, we will be forced apart by death... and it scares me to the point of paralysis to actually consider that this is true and that it will take place.... but, I know that it is a fact of life. What I also know is that until that time comes, I will love her with all my heart with every breath and with every beat of my heart.

One day we will be gone... but at least for now, we are here... and the wind is blowing through the branches of the trees outside, the sun is shining, and my wife is beautiful, and soft, and warm, and alive... and I am more thankful than I can say.

Not so far from where I am, sits an old man, in a house that at least for now is filled with relatives who came to say good by to one who has passed on. In the next few days, they will slowly leave and return to their own lives, leaving that old man alone in an empty house. No matter what he offers, and no matter how much he may wish it, he cannot get his wife back.

The line between life and death is very, very thin... and none of us knows where it lies.... and in the space of less than a second, any one of us could find ourselves sitting in that empty house asking ourselves, "Now what?".

Maybe it would be wiser to ask that question right now.... and to learn, very quickly, how to give of ourselves.... totally.

By doing this, by living in the present moment, completely, by loving, and giving, and smiling beautifully, we learn how to savor each and every moment that we do have together...

That can't be so bad, can it??

So... as I sit here, I ask myself; "Now what?"

The only answer that makes sense to me is to give of myself as completely, and as totally, as I am capable of doing.

For me, at least... this is what it is to live honestly, with honor, and with dignity.

Perhaps by giving, I can make life better for one woman that I love with all my heart, and, hopefully, for one old man who is sitting alone in an empty house.

Perhaps...

Please Volunteer!

When I first walked into the room where we normally host the cocktail hour, I immediately suspected that I was in the wrong place. There were no chafing dishes, no salad bar, no serving tables at all! Not only that, but there was no DJ equipment, and no sign or evidence whatsoever that a wedding reception cocktail hour was planned to take place there, whatsoever!

I turned around and went back to the office to ask one of the Banquet Managers whether there was to be a cocktail hour for this party...

He answered to the affirmative in his deep resonant voice in its thick Hungarian accent;

"Of course! Cocktail hour in here, dinner in there!"

I stood there, gaping... (very suave)

His eyes narrowed, ever so slightly, and then, apparently to assist me since I was so obviously addled, he went on with more instructions regarding the party at hand. "This is non-alcohol bar."

And then, just in the event that my language comprehension skills had entirely failed me for some reason, he decided to helpfully explain what this meant;

"This bar... NO ALCOHOL AT ALL - just soda, juices, water, and many frozen drinks. Perhaps you will prepare ice-ed tea... and, if you wish, non-alcoholic beer."

"Great.. got it. Thanks." Was my reply... I tried to keep the disappointment/annoyance from showing on my face.... I have worked these types of parties in the past, and as a general rule (read: in every single case thus far!) they suck balls.

So. This is a wedding. No food. No music. No drink. No nothing... the guests will be bored and annoyed.. at least enough of them to make life.. ah.. interesting for the staff...

Oh well... you gotta work with the hand that you are dealt, right?

When the other bartender showed up, it was someone I had never worked with, and whom I had only seen tend bar once or twice... he's a nice enough guy, a little inexperienced, but, every single one of has been there.... it would be alright......

"Hey, how's it going?" I called out in greeting as he approached the bar where I was setting up.

"Not so good, not so good.." he replied.

(Uh-oh... what is that all about?)

"Why? Did something happen?" I asked.

"My brother is gone." He said.

"... ... ... ... (???!) ... ... ........... uh.. gone?"

"He passed away... he was killed... he died... in a car crash... back home in the Dominican Republic... hedrovehiscaroffacliffinthemiddleofthenightandwedon'tknowifhewasdrinkingorwhat.... he was 27 years old... I have to leave to go there tomorrow morning and my passport expires today! I'm just going to try to get there... I'll worry about getting back once I'm there..."

"... (holy shit)... um... wow... I'm really sorry, man... I... I... don't know what to say.... ... sorry."

"What can you say? There are no words..... but thank you..."

He went on to say that he was only working to get enough cash so that he could pay for incidentals on his trip... some food... tips... etc. When I told him what sort of party we had...he was, um.... less than elated.

We got set up, the doors opened... and in came the guests...

"Hello! What would you like, sir?"

"Lemme get a screwdriver."

"I'm very sorry sir, today we have a non-alcoholic bar. I can offer you soda, juice, fruit punch, iced tea, water..."

"Um.... aa-ight then... lemme get a gin & tonic."

"Ah... we don't have any alcoholic beverages whatsoever at the bar today, sir.... may I offer you something else, perhaps??"

"Oh! Tha's right! No alcohawl.... I guess I'll just have a glass of wine then..."

And this is pretty much how it went all night.... and then there was the line... or lack thereof..

fifty to over one hundred people... all shouting out what they want... simultaneously.

"Yo!! Gimme two Piña Coladas!" (we prepare virgin frozen drinks for the non-alcoholic bars)
(This came from somewhere to my right, and some distance back in the crowd... along with many other shouted orders from everyone at once...)

I continued to serve the person standing at the bar directly in front of me...

"YO!! GIMME MY PIÑA COLADAS!! YOU DEAF OR SUMP'N?!?!"

"There's a line sir... I'm helping the guest at the front of the line... I will be happy to help you, just as soon as I have served the other guests who are ahead of you....."

"I just want my two Piña Coladas!"

"I understand... but there are people ahead of you.. ... I'm sorry..."

"Yo asshole... just get two glasses, and pour the fuckin' drinks into 'em for me, okay?"

I was suddenly and instantaneously stricken by 'elective deafness' and continued on with what I had been doing...

My 'friend' pushed through the crowd, and worked his way around to the side of the bar;

"Just give me my drinks. I ain't waitin'"

I shot him a glance.. and continued to work without replying....

"YOU HEAR ME?!!?"

"Yes sir.. I did. And I will be happy to give you your drinks....."

I served the next person in line.

"WHERE'S MY PIÑA COLADAS!!"

"I am going to make a fresh pitcher just for you, my friend..."

"Oh.... that's cool.... but could you hurry?"

"Absolutely!"

I served the next couple at the bar...

My 'friend' inhaled to speak to me once again.. but I cut him off;

"I will need to see some ID from you, my friend..."

"Wha-?!"

"My apologies... you look young to me... I'm on camera, you understand.... " and I indicated the surveillance camera mounted on the wall.

"Damn!" - Off he went in search of some ID. When he returned, I had his drinks ready and waiting, and off he went... happy at last. I was happy as well, since I wouldn't have to contend with an angry mob for allowing him to cut in front of them... by the time he returned with his ID, his turn in line had come up.

.... and so it went for the entire night..... after the cocktail hour, we moved into the main reception hall... where, if anything, it was worse. They had a buffet... of sorts.... chicken wings and some rice... these poor folks were broke, that much was obvious... and I'm sure that they did their very best to have the best celebration that they could afford. This much is understood, and the entire staff, to their credit, does as fine a job for the low-budget parties as they do for the extravaganzas.... but, at the same time.. it hurts us.. since we work primarily for tips, and at these parties nobody tips. They don't have it... we know that ... we all struggle, too... but it's hard to put in a grueling 8 to 12 hours and walk away with nothing.... but, its all part of the deal. Thats the industry, I guess....

I am going to request, in writing, that the venue obtain and issue to me one white armband with a prominent bright red cross affixed to it.

If I am going to be a volunteer, I should at least have the privilege of looking like one!!

Our combined take for the entire night?? (this is the amount, in tips, that we split between us...)

Zero.

Nothing.

Not a single, solitary, red cent.

On top of this, when I was leaving for the night, the owner shouted, railed, ranted, threatened, and stomped his feet over how we were going to be forced to care for the new bars that he had just ordered, how anything other then what he wanted would not be tolerated, and that strict measures would be taken, that we had better not be the one who would be made an example of, etc., etc., blah-blah-blah... (I personally make it a point to clean everything that I use, and to leave it in better condition than how I find it when I come in... but I always seem to be the recipient of these sermons.....). I just stood there, impassively gazing at him until such time as I could extricate myself with as little social awkwardness as humanly possible... and off I went into the cold night. Time to go home at last.

And that my friends, is how my day went yesterday....

All of it...

'Go home!' ends September...
Lot's of worries... how to pay bills?!
What will I do?

October brings new job
New possibilities
High hopes for better days

November unveils changes
Promises not kept.
Bitter disappointments.

December rolls through
Happy holidays!
Then, long sad walk home.

Again, no job!
What is wrong with me?
Why is this happening?

Brisk January winds.
Cold and fresh!
Unforseen opportunity!

February finds
me studying hard
so much to learn!

Life blossoms
like an early spring flower;
unexpected beauty

How lovely!
Such a wonderful scent!
Oops! A bee!

Everything changes
but, at the center
I am still and tranquil

If worry did not
drive me from my bed
late at night

I would miss the beauty
of seeing the moon
through wintry branches

Even the unexpected
twists and turns
have something to offer

Breathe in, breathe out
problems, solutions
I would not choose

to miss even a moment
of the profound beauty
of my life unfolding

Spit into life at birth
taken out again at death
and in between?

This is life
and what the world has to offer
I am thankful for all of it

10,000!

'Bear Tracks' has received its 10,000th hit! Here is the info as displayed on my sitemeter:

Domain Name [ REMOVED BY REQUEST ].com ? (Commercial)
IP Address XXX.XXX.XXX.# [ REMOVED BY REQUEST ]
ISP Control Room Tech.
Location
Continent : North America
Country : United States (Facts)
State : Michigan
City : Lansing
Lat/Long : 42.7257, -84.636 (Map)
Distance : 613 miles
Language English (United States)
en-us
Operating System Microsoft WinXP
Browser Firefox
Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.8.0.9) Gecko/20061206 Firefox/1.5.0.9
Javascript version 1.5
Monitor
Resolution : 1152 x 864
Color Depth : 32 bits
Time of Visit Jan 10 2007 11:18:47 am
Last Page View Jan 10 2007 11:18:47 am
Visit Length 0 seconds
Page Views 1
Referring URL http://mrssplapthing.blogspot.com/
Visit Entry Page http://beartrackst2nowhere.blogspot.com/
Visit Exit Page http://beartrackst2nowhere.blogspot.com/
Out Click
Time Zone UTC-5:00
Visitor's Time Jan 10 2007 11:18:47 am
Visit Number 10,000


Whoever you are, YOU are my 10,000th hit! Thanx!

(To Anonymous Visitor #10,000 who prefers to remain anonymous: I have removed the information as you have requested. My apologies for having posted it. It should have occurred to me. Sorry, my friend...)

I wanted to post something special with regard to this somewhat momentous occasion (You only get a 10,000th hit once in a lifetime, after all!) So, I decided to post some interesting facts about the number 10,000. Enjoy!!

10000 (number)

Cardinal	10000
Ordinal	10000th
	(ten thousandth)
Numeral System	decamillesimal
Factorization	24x54
Roman numeral	X
Unicode symbol(s)	X, ↂ
Greek Prefix myria-	(obsolete)
Latin Prefix	decamilli-
Binary	10011100010000
Octal	23420
Duodecimal	5954
Hexadecimal	2710

10000 (ten thousand) is the natural number following 9999 and preceding 10001.

Most languages call 10000 'ten thousands', but some languages have specific words for it: Ancient Greek μύριοι, Aramaic ܪܒܘܬܐ, Hebrew revava, Chinese 萬/万 (Mandarin wan, Cantonese maan6), Japanese 万/萬 [man], and Korean 万/만/萬 [man]. It is often used to mean an indefinite very large number.

The Greek root was used in the earlier versions of the metric system in the form myria-.

• In scientific notation, it is written as 104.


• It is also written as 1 E4


• It is the square of 100


• It is the square root of 100 000 000


• A myriagon is a polygon with 10,000 sides.

10 km, 10,000 m, or 1 E4 m is equal to:

• 6.2 miles


• side of square with area 100 km²


• radius of circle with area 314.16 km²

The classical Greeks used letters of the Greek alphabet to represent Greek numerals: they used a capital letter mu (M) to represent 10000, whose name in Greek is myriad.

1040000 = 1000010000 The value of a myriad to the power of itself, written (by the system of Apollonius of Perga) as a little M directly above a larger M.

In anatomy, each neuron in the human brain is estimated to connect to 10,000 others.

In astronomy, asteroid Number: 10000 Myriostos, Provisional Designation: 1951 SY, Discovery Date: September 30, 1951 by A. G. Wilson :List of asteroids (9001-10000)

In climate, Summary of 10,000 Years is one of several pages of the Climate Timeline Tool: Exploring Weather & Climate Change Through the Powers of 10 sponsored by the National Climatic Data Center of the National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration.



In computers, NASA to build 10,000-processor Linux computer (it is actually a 10,240-processor) news NASA Project: Columbia

In geography,

• Land of 10,000 Lakes is the nickname for the state of Minnesota.


• Land of 10,000 Trails or 10000trails.com was originally created in 1999 by the TN/KY Lakes Area Coalition. This organization is made up of individuals in West Tennessee and West Kentucky who have an interest in seeing tourism grow by developing trails throughout their region.


• Ten Thousand Islands National Wildlife Refuge is situated in the lower end of the Fakahatchee and Picayune Strands of Big Cypress Swamp and west of Everglades National Park in Florida.


• Valley of Ten Thousand Smokes in Alaska


• There is no ZIP Code 10000, however ZIP Code 10001 to 10292 is New York City

In geology, a list of Largest Volcanic Eruptions in the Last 10,000 Years.

In physics,

• Myria is an obsolete prefix that denoted a factor of 10+4, ten thousand, or 10,000.


• Myrio is an obsolete prefix that denoted a factor of 10−4 or one ten-thousandth).


• 10,000 hertz, 10 kilohertz, or 10 kHz of the radio frequency spectrum falls in the very low frequency or VLF band and has a wavelength of 30 kilometers.


• In orders of magnitude (speed), the speed of a fast neutron is 10,000 km/s.


• In orders of magnitude (volume), the volume of 10,000 cubic kilometers or 10,000 km³ equals 1 × 1013 m³. Lake Superior contains 12,232 cubic kilometers (km³) or 2,935 cubic miles of water.

In scientific units.

• 10,000 square meters meters is one hectare.

In Zoology, there are approximately 10,000 species of Birds.

10,000 BC, 10,000 BCE, or 10th millennium BC.

10,000-year clock or the Clock of the Long Now is a mechanical clock designed to keep time for 10,000 years.

In art, Xenophon, on his Retreat with the "Ten Thousand", first seeing the Sea, painting by Benjamin Haydon.

In computer software,

• Powers of Ten Thousand is a technique for browsing a very large space, the macroscope, involves taking the visual device of Powers of Ten and compounding it, using the computer's ability to combine, change and display images interactively.


• the Year 10,000 problem is the collective name for all potential software bugs that will emerge as the need to express years with five digits arises.

In currency,

• the new 10,000 Iraqi dinar banknote has Abu Ali Hasan Ibn al-Haitham (known as Alhazen to medieval scholars in the West) on the front and Hadba Minaret on the back. The old bill had a picture of Saddam Hussein and Samarra: Spiral Minaret- Al-Mawiya.


• the Japanese 10,000 yen banknote has a portrait of Fukuzawa Yukichi.


• the U.S. Ten Thousand Dollar Note bill has a picture of Andrew Jackson or Salmon P. Chase.

In films,

• 10,000 Black Men Named George (2002) (TV)


• 10,000 Bullets reviews films that most review sites overlook. - http://www.10kbullets.com


• The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues (1956)


• Vietnam: The Ten Thousand Day War (1980)

In finance, on March 29, 1999 the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at 10,006.78 which was the first time the index closed above the 10,000 mark.

In futurology, from Visions of the Future: The 10,000-Year Library by Stewart Brand. Much of the information of the past--as well as the present--is endangered or lost forever. Underground rock vaults, "time mail," and a museum built around a 10,000 year clock are some of the ideas for assuring that vital information survives future crashes of civilizations.

In games,

• each of the nine Mahjong character suit tiles (1 to 9) represents ten thousand (wan) coins, or one hundred strings of one hundred coins.


• Ten Thousand Year Ko is a one of the rules of ko in the board game of Go.

In game shows, The $10,000 Pyramid ran on television from 1973 to 1974.

In handicrafts, Ten Thousand Villages is a nonprofit program which provides vital, fair income to Third World people by marketing their handicrafts and telling their stories in North America.

In history,

• Army of 10,000 Sixty Day Troops, 1862-1863. American Civil War.


• The Army of the Ten Thousand were a group of Ancient Greek mercenaries who marched against the Persian Shah Artaxerxes II.


• The Goddess can appear as the "Lady of the Ten Thousand Names", as did Isis who was called Isis of Ten Thousand Names.


• Katyn Massacre - "The Lost 10,000" by Louis FitzGibbon from The Journal of Historical Review - the killing of Polish prisoners of war by the Soviets in 1940.


• The Ten thousand martyrs from The Catholic Encyclopedia.


• the Persian Immortals were also called the Ten Thousand or 10,000 Immortals, so named because their number of 10,000 was immediately reestablished after every loss.


• The 10,000 Day War: Vietnam by Michael MacLear ISBN 0-312-79094-5 also alternate titles The ten thousand day war : Vietnam, 1945-1975 (10,000 days is 27.4 years).


• Tomb of Ten Thousand Soldiers - defeat of the Tang Dynasty army of China in the Nanzhao kingdom in 751.

In language,

• the Chinese, Japanese, and Korean phrase "live for ten thousand years" was used to bless emperors in East Asia.


• Μύριοι is an Ancient Greek name for 10000 taken into the modern European languages as 'myriad'.


• Hebrew, Chinese, Japanese and Korean have words with the same meaning.

In law, Section 9-10.000 of the United States Attorneys' Manual deals with capital crime.

In literature,

• Man'yōshū (万葉集 Man'yōshū, "Collection of Ten Thousand Leaves") is the oldest existing, and most highly revered, collection of Japanese poetry.


• Ten Thousand a Year 1839 by Samuel Warren.


• Ten Thousand a Year 1883?. A Drama, in Three Acts. Adapted from the celebrated novel of the same name, by the author of the Diary of a Physician, and arranged for the stage, by Richard Brinsley Peake.


• Ten Thousand Monkeys is a web publisher - "10,000 monkeys at 10,000 typewriters banging out the best in short fiction." http://m10k.net/.


• The Ten Thousand: A Novel of Ancient Greece by Michael Curtis Ford. 2001. ISBN 0-312-26946-3 Historic fiction.


• The World of the Ten Thousand Things: Poems 1980-1990 by Charles Wright ISBN 0-374-29293-0 ISBN 0-374-52326-6.


• Ten Thousand Lovers by Edeet Ravel ISBN 0-06-056562-4

In museums, The Museum of 10,000 Wonderful Things is in London.

In music,

• 10,000 Days is the title of the fourth studio album by Tool.


• Ten Thousand Fists is an album by Disturbed.


• 10,000 Hz Legend album by Air 2001


• 10,000 Maniacs is a US rock band.


• "10,000 Men" is a song by Bob Dylan.


• "Ten Thousand Men of Harvard and Harvardiana" is a fight song of Harvard University.


• "10,000 Miles Away" rock song by Mötley Crüe.


• "10,000 promises" is a song by the Backstreet Boys.


• "The Ten Thousand" is an indie rock band from Saint Louis[www.myspace.com/thetenthousand].


• 10,000 Promises. is a Japanese popular music group.


• 10,000 Things is a band in the United Kingdom.


• 10,000 Lakes Festival is a music and camping festival in Minnesota.

In philosophy, Lao Zi writes about "ten thousand things" in the Tao Te Ching

In Zen Buddhism, the "10,000 Things" is a term meaning all of phenomenal reality.

In physical fitness, 10,000 Steps Program is a walking exercise and health program.



Walking 10,000 steps is the approximate equivalent of walking 5 miles.

In psychology, Ten Thousand Dreams Interpreted, or what's in a dream: a scientific and practical, by Miller, Gustavus Hindman (1857-1929). (Project Gutenberg download)

In regional planning, 10,000 Friends of Pennsylvania is an alliance of organizations and individuals committed to promoting land use policies and actions that will enable Pennsylvania to strengthen its diverse urban, suburban, and rural communities and reduce sprawl.

In religion,

• the Bible,
  
  
  • has 41 references to "ten thousand" in a search plus 11 more for "ten thousands" in another search for a total of 52 references in the King James Version.
  
  
  • 10,000 Prophets includes quote from Jude 1:14 And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with ten thousands of his saints,... The Epistle of Jude.
  
  
  • Revelation 5:11 "And I beheld, and I heard the voice of many angels round about the throne and the beasts and the elders: and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands;" (KJV) The Apocalypse of John
  
  
• Buddhism,


• The City of Ten Thousand Buddhas is a branch of the Dharma Realm Buddhist Association (DRBA).


• Temple of 10,000 Buddhas or Monastery of 10,000 Buddhas is in Hong Kong.


• hymns, Ten thousand times ten thousand.


• "Ten thousand ages in Thy sight/Are like an evening gone"

In sports,

• In athletics, 10,000 meters, 10 kilometers, 10 km, or 10K (6.2 miles) is the final standard track event in a long-distance track event and a distance in other racing events such as running, cycling and skiing. Example: Statesman Capitol 10,000


• in bicycle racing, annual Tour of 10,000 Lakes Stage Race in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

I hope you have found some of my facts about the number Ten-Thousand informative, and, perhaps, amusing. The fact about the number Ten-Thousand that I am most fond of is that you have all found enough of interest in what I have had to say over the past years to stop by and devote a bit of your precious time to reading what I have written. I have come to know many of you over the years, and I believe that I am better for it.

Thank You

Clarity

I have received a great number of emails and a few comments regarding my previous post, entitled "So, Did'ja Hear?". Some of the messages expressed interest, others surprise or confusion, and still others anger or outrage at some of the opinions that I had expressed in my post.

In some cases, many of you will simply disagree with me. That's fine. We can't always see eye to eye on everything... and sometimes we will disagree.

In other cases, however, I had a sense that what I had said was not properly understood by those who had sent me messages... it is to these people that I am directing this clarification.

This is sort of difficult, because what I am trying to express isn't exactly easy to verbalize.... it is like trying to discuss an exact point in a cloudless sky... or trying to verbally articulate the edge of space or, for that matter, a universe with no edge or end.. you can briefly get your brain around it, but its hard to put into words... sort of like trying to describe what an orange tastes like to someone who has never eaten fruit of any kind... you sort of fall short... so, I ask you to keep this in mind while you are reading what I have to say, and try to focus on the spirit of my words, rather than on the words themselves. It is the spirit of my message that is important, not the exact phraseology that I choose to convey it... I am trying to express an idea verbally that is inherently non-verbal and non-rational... but I would like as many of you as possible to try to grasp what is in my heart... I think its important. Not to me alone, but to all of us. Every self-aware being on this planet shares equal rights... and we are killing one another.

When I expressed sorrow at the death of Saddam Hussein, many people understood this to mean that I was in some way sympathetic with his actions... or with his personality or character...

I AM NOT IN ANY WAY IN AGREEMENT WITH HIS ACTIONS OR SYMPATHETIC WITH HIS ACTIONS OR CHOICES.

I want this much to be clear.

When I was expressing my sorrow at his death, I was expressing sorrow for the person that lies beneath the conditioned attributes and qualities that are a constructed overlay to his basic true nature (this is true of any of us... under the layer of our personality is the true nature of our mind, and of our spirit.. this is what we were when we first sparked into life - clean, unsullied, non-discriminating, and pure).

Beneath all of his choices, experiences, actions, thoughts, ideas, concepts, feelings, preferences, judgments, discernments, and emotions there is a pure 'mind-ground' (if you want to call it that...): The empty canvas or clean slate of a soul, spirit, or mind... the essential fabric of a 'self' that is pure, non-attaching, non-dual, and therefore unsullied and unaffected by all that is imposed upon it during the lifetime of that self.

I am trying to describe the essence and soul of the man... before he had a personality, identity, name, or choices... When he was an infant... or while he was in the womb, or perhaps before that... when he was suddenly self-aware.. and nothing more... at that moment his soul was pure, and clean, and just as it was - neither good nor bad, neither this, nor that... just... so. It is that unconditioned 'suchness' upon which all of his thoughts and experiences were painted and resulted in the personality of the man we came to know as 'Saddam Hussein'. But that all came later... I am focusing on what came first.

This is what I am addressing and this is what I am expressing sorrow for...

At this level, we are all the same... we are all one being.... and we are all worthy of love, compassion, and respect. ALL OF US. Nobody gets left out. What is the worth of a life?? I cannot restore a life, so, to me at least, it is precious. Every life.

What Mr. Hussein chose to do in his life incurred a huge karmic debt that he was bound to have to pay at some point... he was compelled to face justice, and he did so. This is what happens when you take certain actions, and I have no issue with this. At what point is one considered to have paid his or her debt to society? What can such a person do to redeem oneself?? I am not sure that it is possible, which is a sad situation in and of itself.

What dismays me is that he never showed the slightest remorse... and he apparently never came to an understanding regarding the impact that his actions had upon so very many other lives.... and that is shameful.

He left this life without having learned or improved a single bit, but only having caused untold pain and suffering to others.... and he was in a position that would have allowed him to do so much good and bring so much joy and prosperity to so many lives...

If it doesn't disturb the inner tranquility and peace of mind of those of you who contemplate this fact, then I am at a loss for words...

He was a person. He had a life. And it was wasted. Entirely.

To me, that is a very sad situation.

I don't think that there was a better way that the governmental entities could have handled the situation... and am not finding fault with anyone... unless it would be the lack of dignity in the proceedings... but, that is neither here nor there...

What is done is done... but, to my mind at least, an 'eye for an eye'; and soon the whole world is blind.

Violence has never enriched the life of a single person in all of history.

That's all I really wanted to say.

So, Did'ja Hear?!

While I was at work, one of the other members of the staff was working nearby and, apparently bursting with this bit of info, asked, "Hey! Did'ja hear they hanged Saddam Hussein!! Good Riddance, huh!"

Now, I am no great fan of Saddam Hussein... or at least of the Saddam Hussein that I have constructed in my mind, made up of all the bits and pieces and tidbits of data that I somehow accumulated about him over the past few years.

Come to think of it, there isn't really all that much that I know about him that is honest, first-hand information at all.

Almost everything I know (or think I know) about him is second-hand... whatever I have happened to hear or read in the news.

I let the news of his execution roll around in my mind for a few moments, and, surprisingly... or, perhaps not so surprisingly... I found that I took no great joy in the news that he was led to a gallows, had a rope fastened around his neck, and dropped from a height great enough to break his neck and kill him. If I allow myself to empathize to the point of imagining what it must have felt like being him in those last desperate moments, I find that the thoughts and feelings are very disturbing to me.

Naturally, when I voiced my thoughts in answer to my co-workers question; that I wasn't really happy to hear that he (Saddam Hussein) had been killed, everyone within earshot was incredulous. Perhaps some were outraged. How could I defend a tyrant who was so brutal and vicious??!

Well... I went on to explain that it isn't the death of a tyrant that saddens me. This was a matter of justice, and I would not be so arrogant as to countermand or question the wheels of justice. It isn't my place. He was tried, convicted, and sentenced. It is my assumption that there was more than enough evidence to prove his guilt. His end, therefore, was rightly deserved.

But this isn't what saddens me.

What I find disturbing is that some time ago, a baby was born... a fat, wriggling infant with the entire world set out before it, and an entire lifetime to experience whatever came its way. This child was apparently in a position to become the leader of a country... a country that has one of the oldest civilizations in history.

Here was a man who was in a position to do great works. He could have been a kind and just leader, much loved by his people. There was so much suffering and need in that part of the world that one would think he had his work plainly cut out for him.

Instead, he allowed a dark wind to blow through his soul at some point in his life, and rather than use his position of leadership to help his people, and improve their lot, he instead focused on grasping, taking, accumulating wealth and power. Instead of taking joy in the simple things such as the love of his wife (wives?), children, and friends... he took what they had, took their lives... destroyed their livlihoods... tortured, maimed, and injured.

Rather than realizing that he was capable of exercising love, compassion and kindness as the leader of his country, he instead attempted to take everything that existed within the realm of his knowledge.... even the poor miserable lives of the lowliest of his subjects - and in so doing he made their lot even more difficult and burdensome than it ever needed be.

So. A lifetime that could have been instrumental in the improvement of the lives of so many people, a lifetime that could have brought joy, happiness, prosperity, and kindness was instead wasted and ended abruptly with the snap of a rope.

All that is left is a country in ruins, countless shattered lives, and who knows how many years of painstaking work simply to get back to where they all were years ago.

The breaking of Saddam Hussein's neck ended a life, but I seriously doubt that it changed anything; other than taking him out of this world that he so grievously injured, and so apparently despised.

I am not saddened at that fact that justice was executed upon him for his acts of oppression and murder.

I am saddened that that infant, who had such an opportunity to do so very much good in the world let it all go to waste.

Even Saddam Hussein was a child of god. His life was still a life. I guess it is my thought that killing him simply adds one more sad, hopeless, wasted life to the great pile of sad, hopeless, wasted lives that he wrought through his acts of cruelty.

It just strikes me as being kind of sad, I guess.

When I had stopped speaking, I could see that I must have caused many of the folks listening to confront a number of issues that had never occurred to them before this.. I don't think that they had ever stopped to think of Mr. Hussein as a person - an honest-to-god, flesh and blood, real life human being who had actually had all of the power and influence that he had had, and who had chosen to do what he had done rather than do good things. I am sure than many also must have wondered, as I have, whether any of us would have done better, or whether that dark wind would have blown through our souls, as it had, apparently, through his... and perhaps whether we would have done the same, or worse.

Some of the folks who had been listening to me when I was speaking later told me that they were bothered by the thought of all of the pain that he had caused, and that this hanging did nothing to ameliorate that suffering, or to change anything about it....

We were all disturbed by the fact that he had never apparently shown the slightest bit of remorse for his actions.

One by one, they each approached me throughout the night and said that they thought that what I had said made a great deal of sense. Some mentioned that even in smaller, less influential and powerful lives, such as our own... that same dark wind can cause some of us to do things that perhaps we would not otherwise do...

I wonder if any of us will be able to learn anything useful from the mistakes of Mr. Hussein, and perhaps avoid the same pitfalls that entrapped him and led him to such a terrible end to what could have been such an illustrious life??

I don't think that most will even give it a second thought. But, I know that he is most likely no better and no worse than I am. He was once a baby, just like I was, and at the height of his power, he was just a man, like I am. He was just a man with more stuff, and that somehow endowed him in the eyes of those around him with the power of life and death over others. In taking those lives, he gave away his own.

That is the inescapable fact of the universe. Balance is sought and achieved througout the universe... its the way things work. And when we take an action, we set a course of events in motion that also changes us in some way and that takes its toll on us for ill or for good.

What I wonder is whether Saddam Hussein knew he was doing wrong or whether he somehow convinced himself that his actions were justified. If so, then I am just as guilty as he is at some level, because, in retrospect, this is a mistake that I, too, have often made.

Is it any different for any one of us?

Got a Second?

My bones chill and my skin crawls at hearing these simple words; "Got a Second?"

Why?

Because, in my experience, they are generally followed by some comment, information, or news that either:

1. Entirely craps-up my day.


2. Generally pisses me off.


3. Is designed to make me feel unworthy of living and breathing.


4. Communicates to me that I am in trouble, fired, or no longer involved in a personal relationship... or, that I either owe money I didn't expect to owe, or will not be receiveing money that I am expecting to recieve.


5. Utterly cramps my style and screws up my plans.


6. Changes my life and/or lifestyle in a deleterious manner.


7. Indicates that the agreement that we have previously arrived at is now null and void, and that there isn't a damned thing I can do about it.

Today, after hearing the dreaded "Got a second?", I was told that it was no longer financially feasible to continue to fill my position. So, as of that moment, I was out of a job. As a consolation prize, they agreed to pay for half of the day tomorrow, and in return I don't have to get up, get dressed, and go in to the office.

Yay. Wow.

I have tried to convey to various individuals over the years that in fact I DO NOT have a second... but, alas, this has not helped my case a bit. They always barge on ahead with their crappy news... and, as it turns out, I have a second, whether I want to or not.

Being asked if I 'Have a second?' is nearly as bad as being told that somebody has put something that is vitally important 'in a safe place'.

Back to the drawing board, I suppose....

Next time somebody asks me if I 'have a second' they very well may just get knocked out.

The One that Got Away

Sure enough, the bait and switch tactic had to come to a head sooner or later… they always do. I was told that I was going out on the road ‘for training’ last Thursday and Friday. I dutifully went out with one of the drivers in order to learn the ‘hands on’ stuff that all of the drivers are required to know. I wasn’t thrilled, but I figured that it made good sense to have everybody trained equally so that in the event of an emergency, they could always handle the work load.

One small detail that sort of ran around in my mind was that neither the dispatcher nor the other office gal were licensed or trained, nor were they planning to be. I also spoke with the vehicle mechanic, who is licensed to drive anything on the road… and, as it turns out, he is not trained, nor is he planning to be trained to be a stand-in driver. The question that springs to my mind is this: if we are all purportedly being trained to be stand-in drivers… why aren’t we all being trained? For some reason, this sort of bothered me… but I didn’t voice it or indicate it in any way.

On the day that I was told I had to go on the road, I was told the day of the training, and had no prior warning whatsoever… I had an idea that I would be doing this at some undetermined time in the future, but this was as far as it went. As it turned out, I was scheduled to work another job directly after I left work that day, and it wasn’t a situation where arriving late was at all acceptable. The start time was the start time, and, even on time we are time-pressured and have to really move our asses to keep up so that everything will be ready at the start time of the event… in this case, a holiday party.

Well… 20 minutes prior to the end of my scheduled workday, the dispatcher was trying to assign another run to the driver who was assigned to train me… I told him that I was scheduled to work elsewhere, and that no matter what, I had to be back at the office by 3:30PM, come what may. I explained that I had not been given the courtesy of advance notice, and that I didn’t think that it was fair to expect me to stay late without at least asking me if it would be an inconvenience. They are aware that I must work part-time elsewhere to make ends meet.

The driver told the dispatcher that he couldn’t accept the run due to the fact that he had to get me back to the office so that I could make it to my second job on time. He also reminded her that we had not been given a lunch break during the entire day. She grudgingly allowed him to return me to the office, but, when we returned, I could tell that she was royally pissed off.

The next day was a repeat of the same thing, and I got back 20 minutes late, which threw my schedule off entirely. I called her from home later on in the evening, and explained that this could not continue along these lines. That I was committed to work at the time that I had agreed… at least until the week ended (I commit to a different schedule each week.. depending upon what they need, and what schedule I am able to accept.. but, once I commit I cannot back out. If you do this, you don’t get any more work!!), and that being late affected my credibility, and thus negatively affected my finances. Unacceptable! She was very annoyed and clipped with me on the telephone, and said that I would have to speak with the owner about it. She wanted to be able to schedule me to work at her convenience, and didn’t want to hear it from me.

I thought about this… and decided to simply wait and discuss it with the boss the next day.

The next working day, which was this past Monday, a woman showed up at the office to begin training as the administrative specialist. I was asked to clear my stuff from the desk so that she would have a place to work.

I was called in to the office, and the boss made it clear in no uncertain terms that I was no longer to be carried as an admin specialist, and that instead, I was to be assigned as a full-time driver. I was also informed that the schedule that we had originally agreed to was no longer acceptable to the company (7AM to 3:30PM) and that I would be required to work from 7AM until at least 5:30PM and possibly as late as 9PM when the situation required. He also expressed dissatisfaction with my refusal to work, or at least to be available, on weekends. He said that this would have to change, that I would eventually have to make myself available at any time that the company needed me to work.

I sat quietly and listened to all of this, and at the end I simply told him that it was a lot of information to process, and that I would have to give it all some serious thought. I said that I didn’t really want to respond in any way, since I had had no time to organize my thoughts or prepare any sort of sensible response. He agreed that this was wise and that is how we left it.

I went to work as usual on Tuesday morning, and when the dispatcher came in, she told me to try on a uniform jacket (drivers wear them), gave me a Nextel radio, and told me that I had to leave it on at all times, even when I was at home, so that they would be able to call me in whenever they needed somebody, and then handed me a huge packet of paperwork to fill out. This was all forms that had to be turned into the state department of motor vehicles. She told me that I had to fill it out immediately, that it was ‘Top Priority’ and that there was nothing that I had to do that was more important. She wanted to ‘get me out on the road’ as soon as possible.

I took the paperwork to another room and sat down, dejectedly, and began to fill it all out. As I was doing this, it occurred to me that I didn’t at all want to do this. I didn’t hire on as a driver. I was not really given an option. And above all, it didn’t strike me as being either courteous or fair to push me into this situation without so much as a ‘beggin’ your pardon’.

Well… I more or less decided on the spot that in fact I wasn’t going to do it, and that the best course of action that I could take would be to go and inform the boss and nip this whole thing in the bud. There was really no point in continuing any further. It was bullshit, and I figured that being frank and honest, and calling a spade a spade was the smartest course of action.

I figured that this would mean that I would be unemployed at a difficult time of year to find work, but, I also figured that the longer I continued along this path, the harder it would be.

So, I walked over to the boss, who was in a conversation with the dispatcher, and I politely waited at a distance until he took notice, which, honestly, wasn’t all that long..

I asked him if he had a moment, that I had something to discuss with him. He asked me what was on my mind, and I asked whether we could discuss it in privacy in his office. He raised his eyebrows for a second, but agreed, and in we went. I basically told him that I didn’t want to be a driver, that it wasn’t the job that I had applied for and accepted, that one of the main draws of the job was the schedule that we had agreed upon, and that he had never once been able to articulate a single substandard thing regarding my work performance. I told him that I felt I was being treated unfairly, and that I had kept to my word in everything that we had agreed upon. I also said that I had been doing a fantastic job for him, and that I knew that he knew it. I told him that as of that moment, I was not driving any more, and that I was aware that it most likely meant that I was out of a job, but that this was my decision and that I was sticking to it. I told him that I had perceived him as being a pious and honorable man, and that I was mostly upset that my perception and judgement had been wrong on that account, and that I was sorely disappointed. I told him that I would stay on doing office work until the new person was sufficiently trained, or until he found a replacement if that was what he needed, but that it would more convenient to me if I could simply leave after the meeting and move on with searching for a full-time position elsewhere.

He sat and listened to what I said, and then said, “I had hoped that you would like the driver position, and that it would work out.”. I repeated that I understood that I would be out of a job, but if that was how it was going to be, then that was how it was going to be.

He said, “We have to decide what do now. I can’t afford to have two people working full-time in the office, but, at the moment, you are essentially covering the office from 7AM until 9AM, after which I had hoped to put you out on the road to cover the runs that need to be covered. Since that didn’t work out, I can double those hours, and have you cover from 7AM until 11AM. This would give you time to look for employment elsewhere and go on interviews, and still give you at least a partial paycheck until you find something. If you find some part-time work in the afternoons, and want to continue working here on that schedule, we can do it permanently, but if you find something full-time, I just ask that you keep me informed so that I can make arrangements to fill the position.”

This seemed to me to be a fair arrangement, given the circumstances…. not optimal, but fair. Apparently, the other person in the office, the dispatcher, has a problem with a male filling the position. She wants a female in there… and I suppose she was chipping away at him the entire time. He tried to put lipstick on a pig and put a good face on it by offering me a position driving. It didn’t work out, but I understand his way of thinking.

I am glad that it turned out not to be a planned out ‘bait and switch’ scam after all. I like him, and I don’t want to think that he is a shit. So, that is my situation now… I have work, at least part-time… and I am free to find something else without the pressure of no income whatsoever. I now have a fairly low-level commercial driver’s license, as well as a valid learner’s permit for a higher level commercial driver’s license. This can’t really hurt… and it didn’t cost me a dime! (They are fairly expensive… and the company footed the bill… plus I got a free physical, so, it all worked out sort of well in the end.)

The job didn’t really pay well from the start, and I more or less took it with the caveat that I would try to find something that paid a better salary in any case.

So now I have the freedom to schedule interviews, and to have some time to search around until I find something that I am better suited for, and, hopefully, that will pay a great deal more as well.

So, that's my story... I managed to narrowly escape a crappy situation, somehow worked out an acceptable interim circumstance, and now, once again, have my work cut out for me.. I need to find work. I suppose I had best get to it, then... Wish me luck!

Red Smoke, Green Parrot & Donall

Yesterday, my wife and I were out running some errands. We were both fairly hungry, and prior to going out, Marcheline had asked me where we should go to eat.

I suggested a place that I had heard about called "Red Smoke"

Now, there's a small back-story to this.. I had first heard about this place back in July or August and had suggested going there. My wife immediately allowed that it sounded great, and agreed that we should go 'sometime'.

Over the ensuing months, whenever some occasion popped up where I was asked to suggest a place where we might go and eat, I would dutifully say, "Hey! Why don't we go and try that 'Red Smoke' place?", and my wife would reply, "Well... I want to try it, but, I don't want to go 'dressed like this'."

(What'the!?! - we go to all sorts of places 'dressed like this' ... what's the deal??) - but... I wouldn't make an issue out of it. I figured she just didn't feel like going there, and left it that... although, it was weird, because my wife generally says precisely what she thinks and/or feels, doesn't very often beat around the bush, and certainly never comes up with weird cheesy cop-out excuses for not doing something; she just says, "I don't want to do that" and that's that. But, there's a first time for everything, I figured, so I let it be.

So.. back to yesterday, I suggested "Red Smoke", and she readily agreed!! (This took place at the house, before we left.) Over the next hour or two, while we were out and about, she would ask me again and again where I thought we should eat, I would reply, "I thought we were going to 'Red Smoke'?", and she would mumble something like, "Oh, yeah... that's right...". Soon, the question began being, "Where is this Red Smoke place, again?", or, "How far away is this place?".

I was getting a vibe that she wanted to worm out of the whole 'Red Smoke' thing and go someplace else that was either: a). Closer, or: b). More familiar. In any case, I was definitely getting a sense that 'Red Smoke' was simply out of the question. She had been resisting going to this place pretty much every time I brought it up, and she was resisting it now... and it just didn't seem cool to force her to try something that she didn't want to try (But she wants to try EVERYTHING - so what was the deal??!!)

I finally said, "Forget it. Let's just go someplace else. It is fairly clear that you just don't want to go there... so you suggest someplace. I made my suggestion. Now its your turn."

She mulled it over for a while, then, apparently coming to a decision, she shrugged and said, "Let's go to 'Red Smoke'"

I said, "Now you want to go??!!"

She said, "Yeah.. let's go."

So... we went!

When we pulled up in front of the place, which was a storefront, 'get yer food at the counter and go find a table' 'spit and sawdust' kind of place, she breathed a huge sigh of relief and said, "Ohhhhh.... I thought this place was some kind of new fancy restaurant! I was afraid that I would look like a complete jackass walking in there in jeans!"

I had never even considered that the place was that kind of a restaurant... so I had never even attempted to disabuse her of that notion!...

"So THAT'S why you never wanted to come here 'DRESSED LIKE THIS'!!" I said, turning to her, and cracking up!!

"Yeah! You said 'This new restaurant just opened up, and I thought it was a fancy sit-down restaurant... it never crossed my mind that it was a take-out joint!"

We both got a kick out how badly we had communicated over this issue... for months!!

Man, we weren't even close to speaking the same language!!

---

We went out to get our Yule Tree today, and on the way there, while sitting at a traffic light, we observed a motor vehicle accident happen right in front of us. It looked like a bad one, a broadside, and at fairly high speed... one of the cars lifted up on two wheels, but at the balancing point it fell back down onto its wheels, bounced a few times, then came to rest after getting blown from the center of the intersection to the curb. Once the smoke cleared and we had a chance to assess what had happened, it turned out that everyone was basically unhurt, so we continued on our way; but it gave us a good start. Why don't people learn to drive more carefully during such times?? Instead, they seem to drive like lunatics, and people get needlessly hurt and killed. Grrrr!

We name our trees each year, and this year's tree is named 'Donall'. He is a braw beautiful tree, and we will be happily decorating him tommorrow night (Monday).

Donall Being Escorted into Thistlebright Cottage by One Happy Bear!!

---

When we got home, we were unloading the vehicle and carrying stuff into the cottage and all the while we both kept hearing a really strange bird cry. We had both heard the same call numerous times over the past months, but could never identify the creator of the sound; until today! We both stopped and began visually searching the trees for the source of the call, and finally Marcheline spotted this guy sitting on one of the branches of a tree in our backyard;



He has apparently run away from home, has woken up from a drunken binge, and now seems to think that he is a mourning dove. He was following a flock of them from tree to tree, squawking and screeching and squalling at them.

The doves were unavailable for comment as of presstime.

I'm worried about the wee bugger. Its getting cold out, and I'm not sure that he's very well equipped to survive.

Neither of us are very sure of what we can do, though... particularly since he was last seen heading southeast at 40 knots at an altitude of 185 feet.

Bait & Switch, or Necessity?? Only Her Hairdresser Knows For Sure!

So. When we last tuned in, Bear had found a job as an Admin Assistant at a local Ambulette company, where he was getting settled in, and becoming reasonably happy...

Ahem..

As it turns out, the winds of change are incessant in this part of the world, and of late, I have been getting pressured to obtain a CDL license so that I could serve as a 'stand-in' driver whenever such services are needed. When this was first brought up, I explained that I didn't really much care for the idea, but that I would be willing to do it in exceptional circumstances.

I dutifully went and took the test for the license, passed, and now have a nominal CDL (Commercial Driver's License) Class C license that allows me to operate a commercial vehicle with fewer than 7 passengers. I also have a valid Class B Learner's Permit, and can schedule the Skills/Road Test whenever I feel that I am prepared to do so.. (I am *woefully* unprepared as of this writing...).

A CDL is probably not such a bad thing to have, in the grand scheme... HOWever...

I was hired as an Admin Assistant... and this is what I want to do... In conversations with a number of the other drivers, I have since learned that a great number of them were hired as Office workers, admin assistants, and other various and sundry positions, only to be slowly shang-hai'ed into accepting ambulette driver positions.

I am starting to feel as though I have been played. I don't like bait & switch games. I don't like being manipulated. I don't like being decieved. I just don't like it very much at all....

The thing is, the owner of the company still strikes me as an honest guy, with a good heart. It is my thought that he hired me on the up and up, and that everything was done on the level, but that he is under incredible pressure to put enough drivers on the road to keep the company viable. In fact, a couple of days ago, he put on his jacket and went out on the road to do a few runs himself. He isn't asking anything of me that he won't do as well, and you can't ask much more of a leader.

The thing is, I just don't want to do it. I also don't want to leave him in a lurch.

He mentioned that the drivers get paid even less than I do, which, honestly, isn't really very much. I certainly hope that he doesn't plan on paying me at the lower rate whenever he has me doing any sort of driving stuff... because that ain't workin' AT ALL!!

I haven't done any driving yet, because I haven't been trained, but he plans on putting me out on the road this coming week with one of the experienced drivers. Once I spend a full day in training, I am fair game.

I have a feeling that I will be finding myself more and more behind the wheel, and less and less behind a desk.

I told him that I would give it a fair go... and I plan on doing that. But, I don't think I am going to like it very much at all.. which, I suppose, isn't really approaching it with all due fairness.. but, there it is.

It is looking, folks, like I am going to be searching for another job soon...

At least I have a steady income while I do so, which is more than many folks can say, so I am fortunate.

I just wish I could be hired for a job, do the job, and have that be enough one of these times...


ACH!!